Today’s Campaign Update
(Because The Campaign Never Ends)
This is what the Creepy Porn Lawyer calls a “moral victory.” – Monday was not a good day for Creepy Porn Lawyers, specifically, the nation’s most infamous Creepy Porn Lawyer, Michael Avenatti. You know, the guy who thinks he’s going to be the Democrat Party’s presidential nominee in 2020. Don’t laugh – he’s such an outright fraud that he just might get there, because we all know how Democrat voters love to nominate frauds for the presidency. Think about it.
Yesterday, fresh off of making a national laughingstock of himself for putting forward a literal crazy woman who accused Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh of running a punch-spiking, girl-drugging, serial gang rape operation while he was in high school back in the 1970s, the Creepy Porn Lawyer became a laughingstock once again as a federal judge dismissed Stormy Daniels’ defamation lawsuit against President Donald Trump. Not only did the judge throw the creepy case out of his court, he also ruled that the porn star must reimburse President Trump for his legal fees in the case! I swear I don’t make this stuff up.
For his part, Avenatti responded to the judge’s decision like that little kid on the elementary school playground who, after you beat him in another game of marbles, always kicked the dirt and said “you cheated – I’ll getcha next time!”:
Be clear – even assuming Trump is owed attys fees from the defamation case (if he wins the appeal), they will be dwarfed by the fees he and Cohen will be required to pay in connection with the NDA case. Not even close. Yet more “winning” from Trump.
— Michael Avenatti (@MichaelAvenatti) October 16, 2018
HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH [takes deep breath] HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH !!!!!!
Stop it, you’re killin’ me here, Creepy Porn Lawyer!
But Avenatti wasn’t the only leading Democrat 2020 presidential contestant who had a really, really, really, really bad day on Monday…
For Exhibit B, I give you Massachusetts Senator Elizabeth Warren. – My goodness, I’m not sure anyone planning a run for the presidency – as Fauxcahontas clearly is despite her tepid non-denial denials – has ever suffered a more needless self-inflicted wound than Senator Warren did on Monday.
Obviously obsessed and enraged over President Trump’s frequent taunts about her life-long fraudulent contention that she is a “Native American” based on nothing but “family lore”, the neo-Marxist Senator from Massachusetts engaged in a huge bit of self-immolation as she rolled out a “DNA test” conducted by some flim-flam artist at Stanford University in an effort to prove the lore was in fact true. The extreme leftist Democrat Party propaganda rag, the Boston Globe, was only too happy to play host to her stunt, advertising Warren’s “proof” with a big front page story in which the paper originally claimed the test, which said that Warren probably had one “Native American” relative as far as 6 to 10 generations back in her lineage, somehow proved she was as much as 1/16th Cherokee.
A few hours later, after no doubt hundreds of readers had called and emailed that having a great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandmother who was “Native American” in one’s lineage would in fact make you a tiny fraction of that, the Globe then issued a correction that said that …wait for it…Sen. Warren is in fact 1/1024th “Native American!” A few hours after that, the paper then issued yet another correction as it desperately tried to make things better for its favorite Senator, now claiming that, ok, well, the test actually means she is somewhere between 1/64th and 1/1024th “Native American,” as if that made everything all better.
It didn’t. The damage was already done by then, and it turns out the “test” in question didn’t even use a single sample of actual “Native American” DNA as a point of comparison.
See, this guy at Stanford doesn’t actually have any real “Native American” DNA samples to use, so instead he uses samples from people in places like Colombia, Peru and other points in South America, on the theory that hey, all them Indians in the Western Hemisphere are the same, right? Holy cow!
Thus, what this “test” actually “proves” – assuming it proves anything at all – is that somewhere way, way, waaaaayyyyyyy back in her family lineage, Senator Little Mouth Always Running had one ancestor who might, maybe, have been Colombian, Peruvian or some sort of American Indian but nobody really knows for sure. It was on this basis, and with this knowledge aforethought that Sen. Lieawatha actually thought she was declaring victory here.
It all became a little too much for the Cherokee Nation, sick of Sen. Faucahontas’s constant, obviously fraudulent efforts to appropriate the heritage of which real Cherokees are so proud and over which so many have died. Early in the afternoon, the Nation issued the following statement lambasting Sen. Warren and this “test”:
“A DNA test is useless to determine tribal citizenship. Current DNA tests do not even distinguish whether a person’s ancestors were indigenous to North or South America. Sovereign tribal nations set their own legal requirements for citizenship, and while DNA tests can be used to determine lineage, such as paternity to an individual, it is not evidence for tribal affiliation. Using a DNA test to lay claim to any connection to the Cherokee Nation or any tribal nation, even vaguely, is inappropriate and wrong. It makes a mockery out of DNA tests and its legitimate uses while also dishonoring legitimate tribal governments and their citizens, whose ancestors are well documented and whose heritage is prove. Senator Warren is undermining tribal interests with her continued claims of tribal heritage.”
Meanwhile, as the day went on, the fake news media became increasingly desperate in its efforts to provide cover for its favorite fake Indian, and focused on President Trump’s taunt from last year in which he said he’d give $1 million to Warren’s favorite charity if she could prove she was indeed an Indian. One nitwit fake reporter even questioned the President about it as he toured the devastation left behind by Hurricane Michael in Florida. Mr. Trump, smiling, responded hilariously, saying “What is it, 1/1000th? I’ll only do it if I can test her personally. That will not be something I enjoy doing either.”
So, just so everyone is clear here: Yesterday, President Donald Trump (I never tire of typing those three glorious words) succeeded in inducing a leading contender for the Democrat 2020 presidential nomination to a) take a damn DNA test at her own expense, b) declare victory over having been sort of “proven” to be 1/1024th right, and c) get taken down in a brutal way by the Cherokee Nation for her troubles.
That, my friends, is #WINNING.
That is all.
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