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AOC: Figures of Speech are Not her Friends

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is not a stupid woman, despite all appearances to the contrary. She is a brilliant propagandist, for example, one of the most effective our country has seen in recent decades. She understands the importance of optics, for the most part, and she understands her core audience and how utterly malleable it is. So, she is not unintelligent, and is certainly a clever manipulator.

But what so often gets her into trouble and gives her an image of stupidity is her magnificent, uncorrupted level of abject ignorance. Despite having somehow obtained a degree in economics from an accredited university, AOC is one of the most uneducated people ever to be elected to the United States Congress. Her utter lack of anything resembling a real and useful education was on stark display yet again on Thursday, when she clearly demonstrated she has no understanding of what a metaphors other forms of figures of speech actually are. Watch this clip and be amazed:

Yes, friends and neighbors, AOC really, truly believes that, when someone advocates that folks “pull themselves up by their bootstraps,” they literally mean that folks need to bend over, grab their bootstraps and try to pull themselves up off the floor.

You seriously could never make this stuff up.

Given yesterday’s revelation in a live congressional hearing, we here at the Campaign Update did a little research and discovered myriad other instances of OAC’s run-ins with figures of speech and the confusion they have caused in her life:

– She’s been looking around for that “ladder to success” for years now. She is sure Home Depot is just hiding it from her.

– She’s pissed as hell that none of those people who say they have “a chip on their shoulder” actually have, like, a chip on their shoulder.

– She has spent her entire adult life trying to find “a stitch in time” so she can “make nine.” But she’s been wondering, “nine what?”

– She once put her shoulder to a grindstone and skinned it all up. Then she tried it with her nose and had to get surgery.

– She thinks “beating a dead horse” amounts to, like, animal cruelty and stuff, or something.

– Someone once told her that it “costs and arm and a leg,” and she asked if she could just use a credit card instead?

– She just cannot believe that teeth have skin, and spends hours each day looking in the mirror to make sure hers don’t.

– She once tried the whole “rags to riches” thing, and just ended up with a bedroom filled with rags.

– She is STILL looking for that gift horse so she can look it in the mouth. I mean, like, what’s that all about anyway?

– She heard that cats had nine lives, but when she killed her own cat just to see, it stayed dead. That made her sad.

– But then someone told her it was “raining cats and dogs,” so she ran outside and got soaked desperately searching for another kitten.

This could go on and on, but you hopefully get the point by now.
She doesn’t, though.

That is all.

Edit: A couple more, inspired by readers:

– She has a step-ladder. She never knew who her real ladder is.

– Don’t ever say “bottoms up!” to her in a bar, unless you want things to get real.

 

 

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