Today’s Campaign Update
(Because The Campaign Never Ends)
Given that today’s Thanksgiving, I figured it would be a good time to lecture you all on all the many things I am thankful for today. – Not that you needed it – everybody else is doing the same thing, after all, including the doofuses who host the morning news show on our local TV stations here in the Dallas/Fort Worth Metroplex. They are weird people, but I’m thankful for them because they do provide periodic comic relief. Like when they try to predict the weather here in North Texas more than 4-5 hours in advance. It’s honestly hilarious.
Anyway, here are a bunch of things I am thankful for on this cold and rainy Thanksgiving morning:
Family – Yeah, I know, this is obligatory, right? But I truly do have a wonderful family, filled with brothers and sisters and kids and grandkids and the most wonderful, patient, kind and understanding wife who ever lived. I even have in-laws who I really love, one of whom kept me up too late drinking really good wine last night. So, I blame my hangover on family. And what good is family without hangovers?
The Trump Economy – Every major stock market index closed at a record high level on Wednesday, the 5th of the last 8 trading days this has happened.
Adam Schiff – Seriously, what would life be like without ol’ Bug-eyes? Talk about comic relief, this guy’s better than every sitcom on television, other than The Neighborhood, which I watch religiously. Cedric the Entertainer cracks me up, and that guy who plays Dave is epic. So I’m thankful for them, too.
But seriously, Adam Schiff is a better Bond villain than any of the real Bond villains. Everything this guy does repulses anyone with functioning synapses in their cranial cavities. He is the perfect poster child for today’s Democrat Party: Corrupt, inept, corrupt, stupid, corrupt, evil and corrupt. What more could you ask for?
Nancy Pelosi’s Dentures – Have you ever seen a more rebellious mouth appliance than those things? Really and truly, this woman is worth about $200 million, and she can’t afford a set of fake teeth that won’t come loose and try to jump out of her mouth every time she holds a press conference? I salute you, Nancy Pelosi’s Dentures! You are awesome!
America’s oil and gas industry – Think about it: Where would you be today without America’s oil and gas industry? Let me answer that question for you: You’d be sitting in a cold, damp home with no way to cook your food, no lights, no television, no cell phone, no toothpaste, no makeup for the women-folk, no bottled water, no refrigerated food, maybe no food at all given that most plant fertilizers are manufactured using natural gas (did you know that?), and no way to get anywhere else unless you owned a horse and buggy.
In short, without America’s magnificent, glorious oil and natural gas industry you would be living a 19th century existence filled with deprivation and hardship. So quit bitching about the price for regular unleaded anytime it goes up 2 cents. Be thankful you have the blessing of being able to pay for this miracle that made modern society possible.
The Dallas Cowboys and Texas Longhorns – I’m thankful to my favorite pro and college football teams for demonstrating earlier than usual that they are pitiful mediocrities who are going nowhere yet again, because it frees up all sorts of time for me to focus on other, more important things. Those rose bushes really needed trimming. That’s far preferable to the Dodgers, my favorite baseball team, who took me all the way into the playoffs before folding up like a cheap suit in the NLDS this season. Talk about a time sink.
WINNING. So much WINNING. – Yes, even though all of my sports obsessions are miserable losers, I am so thankful this Thanksgiving for President Donald John Trump and all the incessant WINNING he brings to all of our lives, whether we appreciate it or not.
In addition to the roaring economy and resultant booming stock market he has delivered, this is a President with an actual sense of humor. The best part of that sense of humor is that he employs it each and every day in efforts to infuriate leftist nitwits like Adam Schiff and San Fran Nan and their corrupt toadies in our fake news media. Like yesterday, when he tweeted out that meme with his face superimposed over Rocky’s body, knowing that it would throw every leftist/media toady in the country into a snit fit, and sure enough, that’s exactly what happened.
I keep thinking that all these leftist nitwits will at some point figure out that President Trump is the greatest Twitter troller of all-time, but no. They’re just not capable. They can’t help themselves, and I’m thankful for that, too.
Why? Because it’s WINNING, and I love all this WINNING.
And turkey, and dressing, and sweet potatoes and broccoli and rice casserole and pecan pie. I’m thankful for those things, too. And I’m fixing to go eat all that stuff.
Have a wonderful Thanksgiving, folks. I’m thankful for all of you, too.
That is all.
Today’s news moves at a faster pace than ever. Whatfinger.com is my go-to source for keeping up with all the latest events in real time.