If you want to keep current on what’s happening in oil and gas in Texas, the “Inside the Oil Patch” program airs every Sunday evening on AM 740 KTRH in Houston, and AM 550 KTSA in San Antonio. The show is sponsored by Shale Magazine, for which I am an associate editor. I do a ten minute segment on most of the shows. The hosts, Kym Bolado and Alvin Bailey, do a great job of putting together high quality guests and very informative shows.
- Say it ain’t so, Joe!: Your author is officially in mourning this morning, because the CalExit movement is dead. Yes, friends, the noble effort to free our country from the state that sends an unending stream of nitwits to infest the U.S. Congress is no more. The plug was pulled by organizers on Monday because it was revealed that the founder of the movement, some guy named Louis Marinelli, actually lives in…wait for it…RUSSIA!!!!! I swear I don’t make this stuff up. If I could make stuff like this up, I would be a fabulously wealthy novelist.
- A mind is a terrible thing to lose.: Speaking of nitwit members of congress from the Golden State, California congresswoman Maxine Waters told a fake interviewer with MSNBC that she had never called for the impeachment of President Donald Trump. That statement came just a day after she had promised an audience during a speech that she will do everything she can to impeach the President, and just moments after she had issued a Tweet that said “The President is a liar, his actions are contemptible, & I’m going to fight everyday until he’s impeached.” Again, I swear I don’t make this stuff up.
- I mean, like, it paid for my million dollar wedding, so it’s like, totally awesome.: Chelsea Clinton, the dimwitted daughter of The Most Corrupt Woman in America, told an interviewer that people “just don’t understand” how fabulous the Clinton Foundation really is. She also said she is “definitely not interested” in running for political office, so she’s got that traditional Clinton bald-faced lying tactic down to a T.
- This either does or doesn’t explain a lot.: Netflix announced that, from 2015 through early this year, its users had spent more than 500 million hours streaming films starring Adam Sandler. Every political observer from all corners of the ideological spectrum believes this explains what is wrong with those on the other side.
- Yes, it’s a side benefit of mass starvation.: A British former Olympian and candidate for Parliament told an interviewer that regardless of what else one thinks about North Korea, they really have got a “handle” on that whole obesity thing. He later apologized on Twitter.
- Can’t wait to see what Maxine Waters does with this one.: Don’t look now, but the Democrat Party has obviously obtained polling data that indicates they can gain votes from Millenials by cussing. And so we are now treated to the spectacle of Democrat members of congress and party leaders going around the country cussing at their audiences. Yesterday, Democrat National Committee Chairman Tom Perez told his audience that “Republicans don’t give a sh*t about people,” and “[Republicans] call it a skinny budget, I call it a sh*tty budget.” God help us if the Democrats ever obtain polling data that says they can attract pervert voters by campaigning in the nude. Nobody needs to see Chuck Schumer implementing that particular tactic.
Just another day in Democrat ****ing America.
That is all.
- Hmmmm…lessee here…should we vacation in Hawaii, or North Korea? Costa Rica, or North Korea? Italy, or North Korea? An Alaskan cruise, or North Korea? Vegas, or hey honey, how about North Korea? Boy, this is hard…: The UK Independent reports that a North Korean defector, who claims to have been a corporal in the NK Army, says that The Crazy Little Fat Guy who rules that country has a plan to kidnap tourists if his country is attacked. Seriously? Tourists? We have people who take vacations to that porta-potty of a country? Voluntarily? Who are these people, and should we really be worried about them if they have no better judgment than that? Holy cow.
- Hey, doc. See, I have this, uh, issue, when, you know, I’m…well, I’m trying to, you know…and well, I think I need some…ummm…well, you know what I’m saying here, right?: Speaking of The Crazy Little Fat Guy, his missile program continues its pattern of projectile dysfunction. His much-heralded test launch of an intermediate-range ballistic missile exploded less than five seconds after leaving the launch pad. Deputy National Security Advisor K.T. McFarland was evasive about whether the U.S. government may have had something to do with this latest failure to launch when questioned by Chris Wallace on Fox News Sunday.
- Here at United Airlines, our employees are committed to mishandling any incident in a way that creates maximum reputational damage.: In yet another customer service fiasco, a couple traveling to Costa Rica were kicked off their flight in Houston when they attempted to change seats on a half-empty flight. The couple claims that, when they found their designated seats occupied by a barefooted guy sleeping across the entire row, they decided that, rather than waking him, they would take seats a few rows forward on the plane. Turns out that they had only paid economy fare, and those seats happened to be “economy plus” seats that give you four additional inches of leg room. United charges you a princely sum for those extra four inches, and the couple claims that within two minutes of moving to their new, pricier seats, air marshals showed up and removed the couple from the flight without explanation. For its part, United claims the couple repeatedly ignored the crew’s instructions to move back to economy class, and were disruptive, which sounds like the more realistic scenario. But that doesn’t matter, because the fake news media is reporting the story from the couple’s perspective. The whole point here is that United has to find a way to stop kicking paying customers off its flights and bringing this kind of fire into its own position.
- It would be America’s first “tell-nothing” book.: Long-time companion to The Most Corrupt Woman In America and wife of America’s Most Wanted Pervert, Huma Abedin, is shopping what she’s calling a “tell-all” book to publishers. She’s looking for a $2 million advance to “spill her secrets”. Of course, this is just another Clintonian racket, as Ms. Abedin is still hanging around with Hillary, which means every word in any such book would be vetted, polled and focus-grouped by the Clinton minions. Which of course means that anything that’s actually true would be rejected. Good luck with that.
- Um, well, seems like you might have wanted to figure this out BEFORE you published the piece.: This may be the greatest fake news media story ever. Late last week, the fake editors at the Huffington Post fake news site gave the green light to a guest opinion piece titled “Could It Be Time To Deny White Men The Franchise?” As one might guess, a piece proposing to deny the vote to white men (seriously, how racist and sexist can one be?) in America generated a great deal of controversy, but the HuffPo fake editors held firm and even publicly defended the piece and its author. But then, on Sunday, the piece was removed from the HuffPo site. The fake Huffpo editors did release a statement that hilariously reads, in part “We have done this because the blog submission from an individual who called herself Shelley Garland, who claimed to be an MA student at UCT, cannot be traced and appears not to exist.” #Fakenews, defined.
Just another Easter weekend in fake news America.
That is all.
- In entertainment news: Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner have announced they are getting a divorce. Man, am I out of touch. I though that had happened years ago, about the time when she started making those very odd credit card commercials. I have got to quit looking at the covers of all those tabloids while waiting in the checkout line at Kroger.
- In sports news: Eli Manning is being accused of fraud, after the unmasking of some of his emails revealed him asking trainers to get him “Two helmets that can pass for game-used. That is it.” Anyone who is surprise by this, and thinks that faking game-used uniforms and equipment is not a widespread practice among professional athletes needs to quit spending tons of money on sports collectibles.
- In United Airlines news: A man on a United flight traveling from Houston to Calgary was stung by a scorpion which dropped onto his shoulder from the overhead luggage bin. United CEO Oscar Munoz first issued a statement saying that the scorpion had done everything right; a second statement saying that the scorpion had displaced a piece of luggage at the last minute because it had to be relocated to Calgary so it could get on another United flight and sting somebody else; and then finally apologized in his third statement of the day. (Ok, just kidding, but you wouldn’t have been surprised if he had said all of that, now, would you?)
- In Jeff Bezos news: Mr. Bezos, founder of Amazon, owner of the WaPo fake newspaper, and founder of Blue Origins, a proposed private space travel line, announced that there will be no bathrooms or barf bags on Blue Origins flights, should they ever actually get off the ground. So if passengers need to pee, poop or puke, they are on their own. So it will be a lot like flying on United Airlines.
- In Big Bomb news: That very loud explosion you heard was not the sound of fake journalists’ heads exploding over something President Trump had said. It was the sound of the largest non-nuclear bomb ever used in combat, the 11-ton MOAB (Mother of All Bombs) that the U.S. military dropped on a network of caves in Afghanistan that ISIS has been using as hiding places. The military’s post-action report says that 36 ISIS derelicts were killed. How they know this exact number, I have no idea, but I figure it’s safest not to ask.
- In Progressives’ Trump/Russia Collusion Fantasy news: CIA Director Mike Pompeo yesterday called Julian Assange and his WikiLeaks operation a “non-state hostile intelligence service often abetted by state actors like Russia.” Immediately after the Director issued his statement, fake journalists across the fake news media scurried off to get to work on a rationale to spin this into proof that President Trump and Vladimir Putin are BFFs. Film at 11.
- Finally, I wrote the basics of this piece 18 months ago, but it was about Trump: The New York Sun published a piece by Ira Stoll, in which he posits that Mitch McConnell has shown Republicans the light in the manner in which he managed the ultimate filling of the Antonin Scalia seat on the Supreme Court with Neil Gorsuch. By refusing to give Barack Obama’s nominee, Merrick Garland, a hearing, and then being willing to use the “nuclear option” to get Gorsuch confirmed, all in the face of a very predictably withering assault by the fake news media, McConnell proved that the GOP can enact its priorities if it just stops giving a damn what the fake news media has to say. For those who missed it all, this is the essence of how Donald Trump got elected to the presidency, and how he has already become a very, very consequential president in just over 80 days in office. I keep hoping that, someday, somehow, Speaker Ryan and the rest of the congressional Republicans will figure out that the public trusts the fake news media even less than it trusts congress at this point. Just go about your work, get the job done, and quit worrying about what MSNBC or CNN say about you, because nobody who matters really cares.
Just another day in slow-learning Republicans America.
That is all.
Photo Credit: TMZ.com
- That must have been a hell of a meeting.: China’s military posted a warning on its official website to North Korea not to cross its “bottom line”. A few minutes later, the warning was mysteriously taken down. Too late – it had already been screen-grabbed by many enterprising souls, and is now making the rounds across the web. This warning comes in the wake of Chinese President Xi Jinping’s meeting over the weekend with President Donald Trump. Earlier in the week, China turned away three North Korean coal ships from their ports, a huge development since coal is the main export from North Korea to China. Meanwhile, there are reports that key NK government leaders have fled Pyongyang, the nation’s capital, and are holing themselves up in bunkers. The crazy little fat guy is getting nervous.
- President Trump said on Wednesday that U.S.-Russia relations may be “at an all-time low.” Fake journalists across the fake news media spun that statement into an admission that Vladimir Putin is Trump’s bestest buddy ever. Film at 11.
- She thinks MSNBC is just too darn conservative.: Former Clinton advisor Jennifer Palmieri, in a discussion panel in Washington DC yesterday, made the hilarious claim that the fake news media is “much harder” on Democrats than Republicans, and was highly biased AGAINST The Most Corrupt Woman in America during the campaign. No word if Ms. Palmieri also believes that up is down, black is white, that there really is an alien mother ship deep beneath the ice in Antarctica, or that Colonel Sanders is still alive and partnering with the Illuminati to dominate the globe, but it seems likely.
- Of course, they also feel unsafe watching re-runs of “Gilligan’s Island.”: With Vice President Mike Pence scheduled to deliver Notre Dame’s commencement speech on May 21, some of the university’s snowflakes are feeling “unsafe”. So two of these pitiful creatures have started a cute campaign complete with a fancy hashtag called #notmycommencementspeaker. “For me personally, [Pence] represents the larger Trump administration,” One of the lead snowflakes told the university’s newspaper. “His administration represents something, and for many people on our campus, it makes them feel unsafe to have someone who openly is offensive but also demeaning of their humanity and of their life and of their identity.” How did these people ever make their way past pacifiers and diapers? If I or any my friends had behaved this way when we were in college, we’d have gotten our butts kicked, and deservedly so.
- What could possibly go wrong? Oh, wait…: HUD Secretary Ben Carson visited a public housing project in Miami as a part of his nationwide listening tour, and immediately got stuck in a malfunctioning elevator for 20 minutes. Hard to believe an elevator built by the federal government doesn’t work properly, isn’t it?
- Tired of winning yet?: After the Obama Administration ignored the case for six years, a joint U.S.-Mexico task force yesterday arrested the main suspect in the 2010 killing of Border Control Agent Brian Terry. For those unfamiliar with this case, Agent Terry’s murder led to the exposure of Obama’s “Fast and Furious” operation, in which the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms sold guns to known Mexican criminals in Phoenix with the alleged intention of tracking them down once they went back into Mexico. Mr. Terry was murdered during one of those tracking operations. The Obama Administration was intent upon covering up “Fast and Furious” and everything surrounding it, and it basically covered up the Terry killing as well. And so another Obama disgrace gets resolved in the first 90 days of the Trump Administration.
Just another day in not-so-fast-and-furious America.
That is all.
Photo Credit: Fox News Channel
- Ok, just shoot me now – I can’t take anymore of this.: LA Times fake writer Micheal Hitzak, a winner of the fake Pulitzer fake Prize for fake journalism, theorized on Tuesday that President Trump and United Airlines CEO Oscar Munoz conspired to create the airline’s current fiasco in order to distract attention from other Administration controversies. Honest. I swear. You just. can’t. make. this. stuff. up.
- Tired of winning yet?: The government reports that border crossings in March were down more than 72% compared to the last month of the Obama Administration. As noted here before, this is without a wall, without any new laws, without a bigger budget for ICE or the Border Patrol, without any new technology. This is simply the result of the voters electing a President who chooses to enforce the laws already on the books.
- Trump was right. Again.: The WaPo reported last night that the FBI was indeed spying on the Trump Campaign. The Post no doubt reluctantly reported that the FBI did obtain a FISA Warrant so it could spy on Carter Page, who was a foreign policy advisor to the Trump Campaign. The fake reporters at the Post naturally portray this as evidence of Trump collusion with Russia, but what it really is is additional proof that Trump’s Tweet about having been surveilled by the Obama Administration was correct. It’s obvious that if the FBI had obtained any evidence that Page had somehow engaged in improper communications with the Russians, we would damn sure know it by now through illegal leaks from Obama holdovers in that agency.
- That giant whooshing sound you heard around 10:00 last night was the deflating of the fake news media balloons. The fake reporters in the fake media had issued breathless reports over the last two weeks that the Democrats were going to win the special election to fill the 4th Kansas congressional district seat that came open when Mike Pompeo was named CIA Director. All the fake reporters and fake talking heads were on pins and needles last night, praying that this “safe” Republican seat would fall to their beloved Democrats. And, just as last November 8, the early results were encouraging, as their Democrat hero led by a few percentage points in the early returns. But the worm began to turn around 9:00, and by 10:00, the fake journalists at the Associated (fake) Press was forced to call the election for the Republican. A few minutes later, hundreds of fake pre-written stories about how this Democrat victory means that President Trump has no mandate to govern the country rained into trash cans in fake press rooms in Washington and New York. So sad.
- Here at United, The Beatings Will Continue Until Morale Improves.: United CEO David Munoz issued three different statements yesterday in the wake of the widely-viewed video of O’Hare Airport cops forcibly dragging a bloodied passenger from one of the airline’s flights. His first statement claimed his employees did everything right; his second claimed that the flight had not been over-sold as had been widely reported. It was only in his third statement of the day, as his airline’s stock had plummeted in trading, that he actually managed to apologize for the incident and pledge that his airline would do better in the future. I don’t know who is in charge of United’s communications operation, but I do know I personally could do a much better job, and probably work a lot cheaper. Just sayin’.
- Meanwhile, White House spokesman Sean Spicer seemed to be being advised by the same people advising Mr. Munoz, first stupidly saying in his daily press briefing that “even Hitler” did not resort to using chemical weapons (he obviously did), and then, even more stupidly going on CNN later in the day to issue an apology. At some point, this Administration has got to stop pretending that CNN is a legitimate news organization, and instead treat it as the partisan Democrat operation it actually is. The apology was the right thing to do, but do it with a real journalist, like Chris Wallace or Sharryl Atkisson. Stop the pretense that CNN matters.
Just another day in bad communications America.
That is all.
Photo Credit: Breakroom.org
- Hey, remember when they invited you to “Fly the Friendly Skies?”. Yeah…those no longer exist.: United Airlines enhanced its apparently-desired image as the worst airline in the history of airlines, after its policy of massively over-booking its flights led to the forcible, violent removal of a 69 year-old passenger who didn’t want to give up the seat that he had, after all, paid for. The incident of the man being body-slammed by O’Hare Airport police and dragged off the United flight were predictably recorded by multiple smart phones and has now been viewed by millions at this point. United CEO Oscar Munoz issued an apology, but what he really needs to do is issue his resignation for turning his airline into such an atrocity.
- We’re really not gonna miss this guy.: Alabama GOP Governor Robert Bentley resigned under fire, after it was revealed that he illegally funneled campaign funds to a staffer with whom he was having an affair, among other accusations. Ironically, Gov. Bentley had announced he could not vote for Donald Trump last October because Trump had been caught on tape making lewd comments.
- In what is possibly the least surprising polling result in history, the new McClatchy-Marist poll shows support for the Republican majorities in both houses of congress slipping, even among Republican voters. Gosh, I wonder why that could be happening? The poll, of course, comes just as the do-nothing congress is off taking the least-deserved two week vacation in American history.
- Let’s take a moment to review a little history here: A year ago, Republican voters were furious at GOP congressional members for having done pretty much nothing at all to slow the Obama agenda, and the Republican Party was looking at an election in which it was likely they would lose their majority in the Senate, an much of their then-huge majority in the House. They were bailed out by the insurgency of Donald Trump, who dragged many members who were undeserving of re-election over the finish line with him. Since Election Day, it appears that the Republicans in congress have lost track of that reality, and have yet again gone about doing stupid things, failing to follow through on major campaign promises they all made, and generally getting very little of any substance done. Given all that, it is completely unsurprising that they are again, as a class, among the most hated pieces of the Washington DC swamp. If their performance does not improve between now and November 2018, that election will most likely be a “wave” election, with the Democrats sweeping back into majority status in both houses of congress. If Paul Ryan and Mitch McConnell have any sense of the real peril their party faces, they have yet to show it via action.
- Tired of Winning Yet?: The LA Times ran a story with the headline “Rio Grande Valley Unusually Quiet As Southwest Border Crossings Reach 17- Year Low.” In an only semi-related story, a much-heralded and promoted anti-Trump “Mega March 2017” in Dallas was a major bust on Sunday. Promoters had initially estimated that 400,000 would attend the march, which was a protest against the President’s policy of actually enforcing the nation’s immigration laws. A week prior to the event, the promoters dropped their projection to 100,000. During the event, the promoters estimated the actual crowd at 20,000. Dallas Police, meanwhile, estimated the crowd at no more than 3,200. Winning.
Just another day in law enforcing America.
That is all.
Photo Credit: Breitbart.com
- She has better table manners, too.: A group of lumberjacks in India recently came across and captured an 8 year-old girl who had been raised by a community of monkeys. After testing, it was determined she was far more intelligent than the average American progressive. Ok, just kidding, sort of.
- I’m old enough to remember when they actually played music.: It seems the only way the Dixie Chicks can sell records is to send their obnoxious lead singer, Natalie Maines, out there to bash a Republican president. During the height of the Iraq War, Ms. Maines issued her complaints about George W. Bush during the group’s concert events in Europe. They can’t attract an audience anymore, so now Ms. Maines has resorted to social media, issuing nasty tweets to President Trump. My goodness.
- This is Jerry Brown, “skillfully” stealing and spending other people’s money.: After the California legislature passed yet another massive tax increase on the state’s beleaguered residents – this time in the form of a major raise in the gasoline tax – the fake reporters at the Associated Press published a piece with the headline “California’s gas tax hike shows governor’s political skill”. Presumably, when the AP publishes a future fake news item about all the businesses and residents who abandon the Golden State as a result of its soul-crushing tax burden, it will carry the headline “California’s mass exodus shows governor’s relocation skill”.
- Ok, well, maybe it was two lone wolves. Oh, wait…: Islamic terrorists killed at least 44 Christians in two separate church bombings on Palm Sunday. Fake reporters and fake editors all over the U.S. fake news media were left feverishly scrambling to find a way, some way, to blame it all on their cherished “lone wolf.” Meanwhile, ISIS yet again took full credit for this latest atrocity.
- The liberal Boogeyman speaks.: Russia announced on Sunday that it would respond to any further U.S. military actions against the Syrian government with military action of its own. This left fake reporters and fake editors all over the fake U.S. news media scrambling to invent a rationale to credit Russia’s statement to it’s cherished “Trump/Russia” coordination fantasy.
- Hey…did Vlad sign off on this?: Meanwhile, the Trump Administration put Syrian dictator Bashar Al-Assad on notice that it will take further military action should Syria again resort to the use of chemical weapons. Contrary to the belief of the fake news media, Vladimir Putin was not consulted prior to the issuance of that notice.
- Beware of praise coming from ghouls.: In an appearance on Fox News on Sunday, war-mongering Senator Lindsey Graham said “I would say this about President Trump, I’m proud of him. He did something Obama did not do and if I’m North Korea I’m going to think differently about Trump. He didn’t draw a red line, he just acted.” That’s all well and good, but we should all hope that the President takes any praise coming from the Graham/McCain war hawk faction of the U.S. Senate as a reason to even more carefully review everything that he’s planning to do in the Middle East. It’s one thing to bomb an air field in retaliation for a chemical weapons atrocity, but these guys want to send 200,000 U.S. men and women into another country’s civil war, and that is a different thing entirely.
Just another day in Red Line Enforcing America.
That is all.
- All of the City of Dallas’s 156 emergency warning sirens were hacked and activated dozens of times Friday evening, setting off near-panic among some of the city’s citizens. Not one of the local network affiliate TV stations, whose weather people regularly interrupt prime time programming whenever three or four drops of rain start to fall, chose to break into their prime time programming to inform their viewers that there was nothing to worry about. Indeed, the only information the public received before Saturday morning on the situation came from a Tweet from the local FBI office. Your fake news media in action.
- In a predictably softball interview with the fake NY Times reporter Nicholas Kristoff this week, The Most Corrupt Woman in America predictably blamed a whole bunch of other people for her loss last November. Taking a share of the blame were our bi-polar FBI Director, James Comey; WikiLeaks; the “weaponization of information”, whatever that means; Bernie Sanders; and of course, the Democrats’ favorite boogeyman, the RUSSIANS!!!!!!!!! She of course did not blame her incompetent campaign manager John Podesta, who basically made his email account public by falling for an amateurish phishing email. Nor did she blame the outrageous behavior of supporting celebrities like Lena Dunham, Miley Cyrus, Samuel L, Jackson, Whoopi Goldberg, Alec Baldwin and Amy Schumer, who all worked very hard to alienate middle America’s blue collar workers. And of course she did not blame herself, her own incompetence, her abject lack of appeal as a candidate, her horrible speaking style, her stupid tactical decisions, her illegal email activities, and her pathological lying. But of course, that last part explains everything, doesn’t it?
- Hey, remember Friday, when Swedish officials predictably announced (it’s part of the playbook now) that the Islamic terrorist who drove his truck through a crowd and murdered four people was a “lone wolf”? Yeah, that was a lie. They arrested another guy yesterday. Didn’t publicize it, hoping no one will notice. This is how law enforcement all over the free world deals with Islamic terrorism now – lies and wishful thinking. That is a recipe for cultural suicide.
- Former President George W. Bush wrote an op-ed in the Washington Post on Friday, appealing to President Trump to not cut funding to the African AIDS assistance program that he initiated while president. No word why the former president felt the need to make his appeal via the fake news media, when he surely had a phone available to him.
- Tired of winning yet? ICE officials announced a 250% increase in arrests of illegal aliens with violent criminal records, apprehending 368 in a single week (including 153 in Texas), with a focus on “members of the violent MS-13 gang and illegals charged with sex crimes against kids.” Progressives all over the nation were horrified by this news. Which is why you should never even think about becoming a progressive.
- Meanwhile, President Trump’s summit meeting with Chinese leader Xi went extremely well, with the U.S. President and first family receiving high praise in the Chinese media. Progressives everywhere are horrified by this news as well.
Just another day in Never Become a Progressive America.
That is all.