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Speaking of Political Losers, Heeeeeere’s Beto!

Today’s Campaign Update
(Because The Campaign Never Ends)

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is an actress. – Everyone should watch this video. Trust me, just watch it. It’ll be the best 23 minutes you invest this week. I’m going to keep this pinned at the top of each piece I post for the next few days in order to maximize its – and her – exposure.

And speaking of political losers. – Sometimes, events just follow the Campaign Update around.  Our focus yesterday morning was on the Democrats’ Ongoing Fascination With Political Losers, and – viola! – this morning, Irish Bob “Beto” O’Rourke is formally announcing his candidacy.

All the girls – and most of the guys – who pose as fake journalists in our fake news media are swooning and cooing sweet nothings they hope will eventually meet their precious Beto’s ears. Fake news hacks from El Paso to Austin to New York City to Washington D.C. are all lining up at the door to their fake editors’ offices, er, cubicles, vying for the glorious assignment of following the jumpy, sweaty, skate-boarding, 46 year-old around the country in the hopes that he will give them a passing glance, maybe one of his crooked smiles, or even – gasp! – repeat their name back to them during an evasive answer to one of their softball questions.

Oh, the glory! What more could a girl – or guy – possibly want amid a miserable life spent faking the news for a living?

The Texas Tribune, an Austin-based digital publication that acted as a pro bono PR firm for Irish Bob’s failed senate campaign last year, led with this paragraph in its story on this morning’s announcement:

“After months of intense speculation, Beto O’Rourke is entering the presidential race Thursday, marking an extraordinary rise from little-known El Paso congressman a few years ago to potentially formidable White House contender.”

Ah, so it’s been an “extraordinary rise”, has it, this progression from little-known congressman to senate race loser to presidential candidate currently pulling 6% in the Democrat preference polls? I suppose we should feel lucky the writer resisted the impulse to use the word “meteoric” instead.

To be fair, Irish Bob has been truly extraordinary at two things thus far:

  • He raised an extraordinary amount of out-of-state money in his senate race against Ted Cruz, ultimately out-spending Cruz by a 3-to-1 margin in a losing effort; and
  • He has attracted an extraordinary amount of free media from the fawning press, possibly more than any politician in U.S. history not named Obama or Clinton.

But maybe even more impressive is how many fake media outlets have chosen to publish pretty much the exact same “profile” of Irish Bob. Hell, Vanity Fair just put another one out there yesterday, complete with a photo spread by Annie Lebovitz.

Every profile of Irish Bob published over the past year reads like the breathless prose of a lovesick college coed, and they’re all structured as if torn from a page of a paint-by-the-numbers book:

  • Beto is “Kennedy-esque. Indeed, if that word does not appear in the story, it is not an official profile;
  • His hometown of El Paso, population of 683,577, is described as “small”, “backwater”, “isolated”, or my favorite, “dusty;”
  • He sweats a lot, and it shows. Swooning fake reporters spend a ton of time admiring Beto’s perspiration;
  • He rides a skateboard;
  • Hey, didja know he used to be in a punk rock band?;
  • The perpetually-jumpy politician with more tics than a stray dog has “nervous energy.” Oh;
  • His eyes are “piercing,” because hey, how else do you describe the eyes of someone who is “Kennedy-esque?” Just be glad they didn’t say “dreamy,” because that’s what they’re all really thinking.

Pablum for the masses, all in an effort to promote the candidacy of a guy whose main accomplishment in life – outside of having an admittedly-lovely family – is having raised $75 million in a senate race that he lost.

The conventional wisdom out there today seems to be that O’Rourke is getting into the race in an effort to become Joe Biden’s running mate in 2020. While I think that vastly underestimates Irish Bob’s massive ego, wouldn’t that outcome be wonderful?

Think about it: How would the rapidly-growing social justice warrior wing of the Democrat support base react if its 2020 convention were to nominate a ticket consisting of two of the most pasty-white men ever born in America outside of Wisconsin? It would be glorious.

So Irish Bob is officially in, and the Democrat fascination with political losers continues. I would say let the fawning fake news media slobbering over “Beto” begin, but as Vanity Fair and the Texas Tribune and many others demonstrate this morning, it began long ago.

That is all.

Follow me on Twitter at @GDBlackmon

Today’s news moves at a faster pace than ever. Whatfinger.com is my go-to source for keeping up with all the latest events in real time.

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