Today’s Campaign Update
(Because The Campaign Never Ends)
[Photo: The Littlefield Fountain on the University of Texas campus.]
Thanks for the well wishes. – I appreciate the expressions of concern I received yesterday wondering where in the world the Campaign Update had gone. I had a medical procedure that went well and am back feeling semi-lucid this morning. So, although it’s a little late, I decided to whip this one out just to see if I can put coherent sentences together. The Campaign Update will resume its regular Covfefe-time schedule tomorrow morning.
Johnny Carson voice: Austin’s city government is really really dumb.
Audience: How dumb is it?
Johnny Carson voice: It’s so dumb that it makes Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez look like a brain surgeon by comparison. [Rimshot!]
The City of Austin wastes tons of money every year on something it calls an “Equity Office,” which I assume must be a big thing in all the cities of California, since idiots fleeing from California have now basically annexed the City of Austin. Austin’s Equity Office issued a set of recommendations on Friday to continue the City’s ongoing efforts to erase its history in the name of fairness or something.
Those recommendations include changing a bunch of street names, like Dixie Drive, Confederate Avenue and Plantation Road, all of which could be said by a reasonable person to be offensive. So, were the issue left there, no controversy would exist, or very little.
But of course, the nitwits who infest the Equity Office couldn’t leave it there, oh, no. These people have the California mindset after all, and the California mindset dictates that things like this must be taken to absurd extremes.
So, you have a recommendation to change the name of Littlefield Street on the list. The name “Littlefield” is iconic with University of Texas Athletics. Clyde Littlefield was UT’s track and field coach from 1920 through 1961, and its head football coach from 1927 through 1933. His teams won 25 Southwest Conference championships, he was on the U.S. coaching staff of the 1952 summer Olympics games in Helsinki, and he founded the long-running Texas Relays, one of the most famous track and field events on earth, in 1925.
But Clyde’s not the target of the Equity Offices ire, even though he’s the only Littlefield any current Austinite has ever heard of. No, the history erasers are after the totally unrelated Confederate Colonel George Littlefield, who in 1918 donated a bunch of money to UT to erect several statues honoring famous Civil War generals like Stonewall Jackson and Robert E. Lee. Those statues were taken down in the dead of night on the orders of UT President Greg Fenves in 2015. The only Littlefield-funded monument remaining on UT’s campus is the also-iconic Littlefield Fountain that resides at the south end the campus’s main mall.
So, the inclusion of Littlefield Street on this list is going to create a ton of confusion. Here’s a thought: Keep the name and change the dedication from George to Clyde. But that’s too logical – this is California Thought we are dealing with here.
Then there’s the proposal to rename Barton Springs and no fewer than 10 streets named for Thomas Barton, one of the great pioneers of early Texas, who was also at one time a slave owner. Barton Springs also happens to be one of Austin’s biggest tourist attractions – think of the massive loss of revenues the City will suffer from all the confusion a name change would create. Pure idiocy.
But it just gets worse, folks, trust me here.
By far the dumbest recommendation on the Equity Offices list is the proposal to …wait for it….oh, you gotta wait for this one…CHANGE THE NAME OF THE CITY ITSELF! I swear I do not make this stuff up.
Yes, friends, it seems that even Stephen F. Austin, the very father of Texas himself, is not immune from the stupidity practiced by those who follow California Thought. This effort to literally erase the name of “Austin” from Texas’s history is based on a single sentence Mr. Austin – who suffered so greatly in his efforts to free Texas from the brutish rule of Santa Ana’s Mexican government – wrote in one of his letters. In that sentence, he opposed the abolishment of slavery in the then-province of Tejas because if the slaves were freed, they would turn into “vagabonds, a nuisance and a menace.”
An execrable thought, no question about it. But based on that single thought expressed in one of many letters he wrote during his life that was filled with so many great acts and sacrifices, Austin’s Equity Office proposes to erase the man who is the actual founder of the State of Texas from the City’s history.
Here’s a better idea: Let’s change the name of the City of Austin’s Equity Office instead. Here are a few alternatives based on the output of the Office to date:
- the Office of California Thought;
- the Orwell Commission;
- that Bunch of Really, Really Stupid People.
I vote for #3.
Just another day in you can’t cure stupid America.
That is all.
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