Advertisements

Beto O’Rourke Issues the Most Authentic Democrat Apology Ever

Today’s Campaign Update
(Because The Campaign Never Ends)

Apology accepted, you giant a**hole! – Desperate times call for desperate measures, as they say, and no Democrat candidates are more desperate these days than Eric “Otter” Swalwell and Irish Bob “Beto” O’Rourke. This week, both campaigns decided it would be best for their failing candidates to apologize for being exactly who they are.

So, Swalwell went out on Monday and, in on of the most stilted, palpably insincere moments of 2019, made a video in which he apologized to a woman for being a white man, saying “I may be another white guy, but I know there are gaps in my knowledge or in my experience and I know when to pass the mic.”

Ummmm, no, dude, the very existence of this video clearly demonstrates you haven’t the slightest clue about when to do that.

When questioned by Fox News’s Martha MaCallum about Swalwell’s gesture, Trey Gowdy nailed it, saying “Well, Eric’s clearly riding a wave. I think he’s all the way up to zero in the polling.”  Ooof.

Not to be outdone by one of the shrinking handful of contenders he still leads in the polling, Irish Bob O’Rourke issued a video of his own on Tuesday. In this one, he apologizes to his 2018 senate campaign staff for being “a giant asshole.” Which, of course, is what everyone was thinking about him but afraid to say in polite company. But we aren’t in polite company here at Today’s Campaign Update, so we just plow right ahead and say it.

Hey, this is a really promising trend we have going on here for the Democrats. Maybe the rest of the field will take this opportunity issue some heartfelt apologies of their own for their past misdeeds that we are all totally aware of.  Wouldn’t that be fun?

Here are some examples of the apology opportunities that lie out there in Democrat land:

  • Joe Biden could apologize for being a serial woman-and-child groper;
  • Kamala Harris could apologize for being a floozy who slept her way to the Senate;
  • Fauxcahontas could apologize for being, well, Fauxcahontas;
  • The Commie could apologize for being an America-hating Marxist;
  • Pete Buttigieg could apologize for being just so darn cute;
  • Amy Klobuchar could apologize for being a heinously-abusive boss;
  • Cory Booker could apologize to Spartacus;
  • Kirstin Gillibrand could apologize for ever announcing her candidacy in the first place;
  • John Hickenlooper could apologize for having been a pretty good governor, thus ending any hope that he might actually succeed in Democrat presidential politics;
  • Jay Inslee, a horrible governor, could apologize in advance to all those future dead Washingtonians whose bodies will be mixed with leaves and manure to become compost;
  • Bill DeBlasio could apologize for being the worst mayor in a city whose history is filled with an endless series of awful mayors, interrupted only by 8 years of Rudy Giuliani;
  • Tulsi Gabbard could apologize to the other contenders for being the only actually interesting candidate in the entire field;
  • Marianne Williamson could apologize for being someone… I don’t even know who she is;
  • Seth Moulton could apologize to Fox News viewers for denying their ability to cringe and laugh out loud at every opinion uttered on-air by Marie Harf;
  • Julian Castro could apologize for being too authentically Hispanic to ever hope to attract the votes of Democrat voters who just love to be deceived.

This could go on almost endlessly, given the collection of miscreants, hacks and life-long frauds that are leading the race right now.

But of course, it won’t. Being a leftist asshole means never really having say you’re sorry, unless you think there’s some political advantage to doing it. Pretty sure that was in a movie once.

That is all.

Follow me on Twitter at @GDBlackmon

Today’s news moves at a faster pace than ever. Whatfinger.com is my go-to source for keeping up with all the latest events in real time.

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “Beto O’Rourke Issues the Most Authentic Democrat Apology Ever

  1. Dano - May 29, 2019

    I’m getting apology fatigue. Don’t mess up in the first place and you won’t have to make insincere apologies. It’s called forethought.

  2. Phil - May 29, 2019

    Anyone remember Pat Paulson? He was a comic who mounted presidential campaigns in a bunch of elections stretching from 1968 to the 90s. When Bob O’Rourke’s campaign kicked off, I thought it was the same sort of parody that Paulson pulled off way back then. Paulson was a lot funnier however.

Comments are closed.

Scroll to top
%d bloggers like this: