Today’s Campaign Update
(Because The Campaign Never Ends)
Today’s Public Service Announcement! – The “World’s Fastest Train” has been unveiled in Japan, y’all! Guess what? It is designed to sail along at speeds up to … wait for it… 224 miles per hour! Which is, lessee here…. almost half as fast as the average airliner. Almost. Oh, and it won’t be operational until the year 2030, which is coincidentally the year before Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez tells us we’re all going to burn up and die if we don’t get rid of air travel and replace it millions of miles of rail lines.
Dear Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and other fans of her appeal to abject nitwits, the Green New Deal: This dog don’t hunt. Just thought I’d remind you. Plus, it’s stupid-looking. Seriously, it looks like something out of a 1960s-era cartoon:
Don’t look now, but Irish Bob O’Rourke is about to “reintroduce” himself again. – But the crucial question is, will the mental teenagers in our fake news media fall in love with their former heartthrob one more time?
The smart money says ‘no’ – it’s really hard to recreate the magic of that first high school crush. Once the bad breakup occurs, there is rarely any going back.
After Irish Bob let it be known late last week that he plans to “launch” his flagging presidential campaign one more time, I’ve been watching to see which U.S. national publication would be the first to do yet another fawning “profile” of him, complete with nasty comments about Ted Cruz, descriptions of El Paso and/or West Texas as “dusty”, misrepresentations about the origins of the fake nickname he gave to himself, and the required comparisons to some Kennedy or another. Would it be Vanity Fair one more time? Might Rolling Stone jump in again? How about the New York Times or the Washington Post? They’ve all done it before – would they find the waters to be still warm and give their ex-boyfriend another date to the local Pizza Hut?
Uh, no. As it turns out, the O’Rourke campaign apparently was unable to even catch coffee at Starbucks with any of its fake journalist exes, having to resort instead to grabbing a sandwich at Wichy Wich with some reporter from the UK Guardian. And what a soggy sandwich it turns out to be, which is only fitting for such a horrifically-run campaign.
Oh, the piece has the required “dusty” reference contained in literally every profile ever done about Irish Bob, when it describes El Paso as “the dusty, sunbaked border town in Texas where he was born”. The writer even goes so far as to outright lie about the fake nickname, calling O’Rourke “the tall white guy with the funny first name” in the piece’s opening paragraph. My goodness, the piece even makes the jump to include a quote from one of Irish Bob’s teenage flames (no doubt referred to him by the O’Rourke campaign), someone named Maggie Asfahani, who makes her living as – guess what? – a writer! Because of course she does.
As if it is helpful, Asfahani says she is responsible for the famous photo of Irish Bob wearing a dress in a promo for his punk band, Foss: “I want to put on the record, that is my dress he’s wearing,” she said.
No doubt the O’Rourke campaign had longed for the standard puff piece that their candidate has become used to receiving from the national U.S. media and Texas-based outlets like the Texas Tribune and Houston Chronicle, but this one does not fit the U.S. media’s cut-n-paste mold. There is no comparison to anyone named Kennedy, and the Guardian’s piece is otherwise a fairly objective recital of O’Rourke’s political history and inconsistencies.
Not the launch – or re-launch – our hero was seeking.
Like everything else Irish Bob has done since losing his Texas senate race against Senator Cruz last November, this “re-introduction” comes too late, and displays nothing more prominently than a singular lack of situational awareness on this part.
In politics, it is crucial for a candidate to strike while the iron is hot, an aspect of the game that Donald Trump understands better than any national figure since Bill Clinton. Last November, the media’s best boyfriend could have made himself into an instant front-runner in the Democrat nomination race by announcing his candidacy the day after his loss.
Yes, doing that would have been ‘too soon’ and ‘presumptuous’ according to the conventional wisdom. But O’Rourke’s image at that time was made by being presumptuous and going against the conventional grain. By dawdling around and waiting to announce his campaign in March, he traded that image for one of being indecisive and unreliable, which is pretty much his life’s history.
And that’s it – he can’t get that back. The opportunity to stand out in the race is now gone – the field is too crowded and the fickle teen-mentality media has moved on to other crushes. If you want a comparison to 2016 and the crowded GOP field that sought the nomination, Irish Bob is this cycle’s Scott Walker, the “hot” candidate who everyone thought at one point would be that year’s BIG DEAL, but never was.
Walker left the 2016 race before it ever actually even got to 2016, ending his dead-broke candidacy in September of 2015, after just two months of debates in which he had utterly failed to make a good impression. Irish Bob is probably too self-absorbed and clueless to make a similarly-fast exit from the stage, but he might as well.
That is all.
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