Government Shutdown, Day V: Narrative Materialization Failure

Today’s Campaign Update

(Because The Campaign Never Ends)

Government Shutdown, Day V – National Devastation Stubbornly Failing To Come To Fruition

The nation’s turkey population suffered a massive hit on Day IV, as millions of poor, lost souls suffering the pernicious effects of the Government Shutdown turned to binge-eating as a salve for the pain. Crops of sweet potatoes, green beans, and corn have been similarly devastated.

Grocery store shelves this morning are devoid of cans of gelled cranberries and packages of instant stuffing as the Evil Orange man’s reign of terror continues. Meanwhile, garbage handlers across the nation are reporting millions of 13- and 32- gallon trash bags filled with brightly-colored paper, ribbons and bows as they make their regular rounds this morning. Interesting. Unsure what this means, but it must be important, and can only be another sign of the impending Government Shutdown Apocalypse.

Also interesting are reports from cardboard recycling centers around the country that their facilities are being strained to capacity this morning with a sudden influx of broken-down boxes, about half of which have “Amazon” labels on them. Could Brazil be taking advantage of our Government Shutdown by mounting an invasion? Has the Evil Orange Man really been colluding with the Brazilians all along? Was Putin just a head fake by a guy playing 4D chess?

The madness.  Oh, the madness.

Oddly, though, predictions of massive street demonstrations and violence by various CNN and MSNBC on-air personalities have failed to materialize. The predicted national panic due to the closing of a handful of national parks in the dead of winter has also somehow been avoided thus far. Same for anything predicted by Bill Kristol or Max Boot, although that’s just par for the course. In any event, it seems the Orange Man and his ever-changing staff of advisers had contingency plans in place, which no one could have predicted would be the case.

Here in North Texas, highway traffic has begun to resume its normal pace after two days of mysteriously near-deserted roadways.  The traffic guy on Channel 4 is even reporting the existence of several traffic jams in Dallas County this morning. But then, there are always traffic jams in Dallas County, even when there is no traffic, so not sure what this all means.

One thing is for sure: None of this jibes with the projected Government Shutdown narrative.  Must investigate further.

Meanwhile, the radio stations have suddenly changed their programming. That extremely annoying song by some guy named “Jose Feliciano” (no doubt a code name) that’s been playing every 5 minutes on every station for the last 6 weeks?  Gone.  Seriously, as of midnight, this song and dozens of others with strange titles like “Jingle Bell Rock”, “Chestnuts Roasting Over an Open Fire”, and “I saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” have all just vanished from the airwaves.

All of this is odd, and I have no means of reporting in on the meaning of any of it.  But here is the strangest thing of all: In the face of this horribly-destructive Government Shutdown that Morning Joe keeps telling us will be the end of the Evil Orange Man’s presidency and of civilization as we know it, newscasts this morning are filled with stories about Americans all over the country engaging in amazing acts of kindness, empathy, generosity and giving of themselves over the past 48 hours.

Why, it’s almost as if the Government Shutdown is having virtually no impact on anyone at all.

But we know that cannot be true. The Narrative dictates mass disaster, human suffering and destruction.

Will report back in as soon as I find some.

That is all.

Follow me on Twitter at @GDBlackmon

Today’s news moves at a faster pace than ever. Whatfinger.com is my go-to source for keeping up with all the latest events in real time.

1 thought on “Government Shutdown, Day V: Narrative Materialization Failure

  1. Jimmy Macafee - December 26, 2018

    Max Bootroom (the evil twin brother of Max Headroom) reflexively (in AI terms) opposes everything the President proposes – like the withdrawal from Syria. Max didn’t quite know what to say when the President said “Merry Christmas” – (Bootroom probably said “hail satan” but his AI editors squelched that, since only the DNC says that openly, and the American people really don’t like Tom Perez, satan’s little boy.) Max Bootroom has been sunk, like a defective U-Boat.

    Merry Christmas, in all sincerity!

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