Today’s Campaign Update
(Because The Campaign Never Ends)
It is in the nature of the human existence to want to believe strongly in something, to believe in something bigger than one’s self, to want to work towards a higher calling, to be a part of some movement that works for the betterment of mankind. This desire to believe leads billions across the face of the earth to seek to belong to a wide variety of actual religions, which worship a variety of gods.
Being, as they are, opposed to actual religions, those who inhabit the political left constantly engage in the process of inventing new, fake religions in which to believe. The fake, leftist religions come, as real religions do, with entire sets of dogma, which leftists like to refer to as “talking points”, “slogans” and “chants,” along with god-like figures to worship and satanic figures to demonize.
The best early example of a leftist religion was of course communism, whose dogma found its basis in the teachings of Karl Marx. In modern times, this particular leftist religion has morphed into “progressivism” and now the “Democrat-Socialism” led by raging nitwits like Alexandra Ocasio Cortez. These are more acceptable tags for the American public to accept, but the ideas pushed by them all are the same.
Global Warming became a leftist religious movement, this one led by an actual Pope-like figure, Al Gore, beginning in the late 1980s. That one morphed into “Climate Change” in the early 2000s when it became obvious even to the believers that the world is not in fact warming, and indeed was about to move into a long cooling phase. Plus, calling it Climate Change has the advantage of being more inclusive, and as we sit here today pretty much everything bad in our lives, from bad breath to forest fires to snow storms to hurricanes to the heartbreak of psoriasis has been blamed on the all-seeing, all-knowing, all-powerful Climate Change.
Climate Change has in fact grown into such a global religion that it even has its own heretics, which the believers refer to as “deniers.” These deniers are shunned the community of government grant recipients and cocktail parties hosted by Gore, Michael Mann and liberal newspaper editors. That’s the price for pointing out the fact that Greenland hasn’t melted and hurricane events have become less frequent over the past 20 years despite all the media hype, and sea levels are rising at the same pace at which they have been rising since the end of the last ice age.
There have been many other examples of this leftist religion-inventing – the religion of “Intersectionality” being a great recent example – but we must get to the point here.
The newest leftist religion is the Church of Robert Mueller. That’s right: Special Counsel Robert Mueller is now a deity to the American Left. There’s really no question about it.
Wednesday night, several hundred leftist faithful made a pilgrimage to Times Square where they engaged in a “protect Robert Mueller” demonstration. They chanted repetitive slogans just as Tibetan monks chant “ohmmmmmms” during their daily meditations. They activated the flashlight app on their i-Phones and held them up in unison during a moment of silence. It was like a Led Zeppelin concert, only without all the marijuana and fire hazards created by Zippo lighters.
They shared the dogma of their religion with one another, and with any reporter who asked them questions: “Robert Mueller must be protected. Robert Mueller must not be fired by the evil Orange Man (the Orange Man is this religion’s version of Satan). Robert Mueller must exist forever. Robert Mueller must be allowed to complete his investigation – his investigation must go on for as long as the Orange Man is President.” On and on and on.
The latest bit of dogma from the Church of Mueller is that the President of the United States not only cannot fire Robert Mueller (he can, for any reason he chooses), the President cannot appoint anyone to the office of Attorney General who has ever expressed a skeptical thought about the god Mueller or his “investigation”, which is the equivalent of this religion’s Ten Commandments. (This dogma only applies to the devil Orange Man and will never be applied to any Democrat successor, of course.)
Commandment 1: Thou shalt not collude with Russia (this does not apply to the DNC or the Hillary Clinton campaign)
Commandment 2: Thou shalt not be a Russian entity that makes posts on Facebook or Twitter
Commandment 3: Thou shalt not be a minor Trump campaign functionary with a Greek name who is targeted for spying by James Comey and Peter Strzok
Commandment 4: Thou shalt not be an easily smearable target named Roger Stone
Commandment 5: Only those who have given money to Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama may become disciples for the Church of Mueller
Commandment 6: It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than it is for the Orange Man to escape the all-powerful subpoena power of the God Mueller
…and so on and so forth.
Even better, clingers to the Church of Mueller actually believe that it was somehow “unconstitutional” for the evil Orange Man to appoint Matt Whitaker to become acting Attorney General after he had fired Jeff Sessions. They actually believe that Whitaker is somehow unqualified for the job because he has in the past expressed the same skepticism about Mueller and his “investigation” that has been expressed by renowned legal scholars like Harvard Law Professor Alan Dershowitz and George Washington University Law Professor Jonathan Turley.
The Church of Mueller faithful actually believe that the appointment of Whitaker to the AG position somehow amounts to a “constitutional crisis”, as if they actually know what that term even means. But hey, they don’t need to know what any of this means, because these are matters of religious faith.
As is the case with all of these fake leftist religions, the Church of Mueller ignores a key central truth, which in this case is that Robert Mueller has the safest job in Washington, D.C. today. Matt Whitaker was not appointed to fire Robert Mueller, although he is likely to exercise some real oversight over his fake investigation, oversight that Rod Rosenstein has been unwilling to exercise for the last 17 months.
It has been obvious for 16 months now that Mueller has a big bag of nothing where his “Russia collusion” fantasy is concerned, and that his efforts to mount some sort of “obstruction of justice” charge against the evil Orange Man amounts to little more than spitting into the wind. It has been equally obvious for two months now that Mueller has been systematically winding his investigation down, as he has agreed to accept written answers to his reduced number of questions from the Orange Man and has let at least five of his Clinton/Obama disciples to go forth and seek other employment.
The evil Orange Man has expressed his lack of any interest at all in firing Robert Mueller literally hundreds of times over the last 17 months, yet the Church of Mueller faithful remain unconvinced. Because, as with any real religion, the devil is always the deceiver.
Normal Americans with real lives can only marvel at all of this and wonder what false deity these sad people will cling to next after, around the first of the year, Mueller sends his final report over to acting Attorney General Matt Whitaker and allows the remainder of his flock of Clinton/Obama disciples to seek new paying opportunities.
They’ll still probably be counting votes down in Broward and Palm Beach Counties at that time, so maybe the Church of Mueller faithful can concoct a new fake religion around Andrew Gillum or Bill Nelson. Seems likely to me, anyway.
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