Today’s Campaign Update
(Because The Campaign Never Ends)
Tired of all this Winning yet? – President Trump appeared at the Gridiron Dinner in Washington last night, and told a series of hilarious jokes that the audience, filled with about 90% humorless, hate-filled liberals from the fake news media, didn’t catch. That’s ok, because the joke, as usual in this Administration, is on them. Here are a couple of my favorites:
“As I’m sure you’ve seen, we’re now riding very high in the polls, which is hard to believe considering I never get any good press. But, I just hit 50 in the Rasmussen poll. A lot of people said I wouldn’t be able to do so well after losing my so-called chief strategist. But somehow, we’re still doing great without Omarosa.”
“You, The New York Times, are an icon. I’m a New York icon, you’re a New York icon. And the only difference is, I still own my buildings.”
And finally, “It might be hard for you to believe, but I do love gatherings like these. They give you a chance to socialize with members of the opposition party, it’s very important. And it’s also great to see some Democrats here also.”
Everyone there from CNN just kept looking at each other after each joke, saying “what does that mean? I don’t get it.” Exactly.
Speaking of gatherings filled with humorless, hate-filled liberals who want to destroy this country,The Academy Awards Ceremony is tonight, and the producers of the show, Michael DeLuca and Jennifer Todd, lied to USA Today on Saturday, telling the fake newspaper that host Jimmy Kimmel’s monologue will not be “pointedly political.” Anyone who believes that, please shoot me a note, because I have got a hell of a deal for you on some real estate I can’t get rid of.
In all seriousness, why does anyone watch the Oscars anymore? I mean, unless you are a part of the sexually abusive and depraved Hollywood community, or just some mindless progressive who actually identifies with fundamentally brain-dead, preening, self-absorbed nitwits in general, of course. Other than those people, who else wastes 3-4 hours of their time watching these people honor themselves?
If you’re a grown damn man, why watch? Are you just a horndog who wants to see which young actress sporting a #MeToo or #TimesUp pin shows up wearing the least amount of clothes? Are you truly interested in seeing whether or not some movie nobody saw called The Shape of Water beats out another movie nobody saw titled Call Me by Your Name? Do you really give a damn whether or not Meryl Streep wins her 22nd Oscar, or whatever it is?
How about you ladies out there – why are you watching, given that the community honoring itself this evening has over the last 6 months been starkly revealed to ravenously hate every single one of you? What possible entertainment value are you going to derive out of seeing a lifelong womanizer like Warren Beatty hand out the Best Picture Award? Is it just to see whether or not he and Faye Dunaway can get it right and announce the movie that actually won this year? And I know you aren’t tuning in to see what the guys are wearing, because guess what – they’re all wearing the same thing! It’s a black tux – they’re all going to be wearing a black tux! That’s what they all do.
Really and truly, folks, there are just so many better things to do with your time tonight. As a public service, here is a list of just a few of those things:
– Give your cat’s litter box a good cleaning. Mittens deserves better than what you’ve been giving him, trust me.
– Binge watch network TV’s best new show of the current season, Kevin Saves The World (We Think). I’m not kidding, it is really hard to understand how such a charming, hilarious, grounded show made its way into the lineup of one of the three major networks. If you haven’t been watching it, tonight’s a great time to start.
– Spend time with your kids, if you’re a parent, or with your grandkids if you, like me, are a grandparent. It will do you some good. Might even do them some good, too.
– If none of those options work for you, at 8:00 Central time, get onto iHeartRadio and tune into AM 740 KTRH in Houston, where you will find a little radio program that yours truly appears on every week called “In the Oil Patch.” There won’t be any half-nekkid women or un-funny comics taking shots at President Trump, but you will learn something you didn’t know about energy, I promise.
Just another day in don’t watch the Oscars America.
That is all.
Follow me on Twitter at @GDBlackmon
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