Today’s Campaign Update (Because The Campaign Never Ends) – 4.26.2017

  • Because hate is what they do.:  First Daughter Ivanka Trump decided for some reason to go to Germany to hang out with Chancellor Angela Merkel and some of her other open-borders, globalist pals.  Ivanka seemed surprised when she was booed by the audience as she defended her father during a panel discussion.  Hopefully, this will be a teaching moment for her – you can be as nice as you want to these people, but they will still hate you anyway.
  • It was a bad day for First Daughters everywhere.:  Meanwhile, Chelsea Clinton received her amazingly undeserved “lifetime achievement” from Vanity Fair, and even the starlet from Saturday Night Live who was serving as the emcee of the event couldn’t figure out why she was getting it.  Clue to Chelsea:  When your name is Clinton, and even the lunatic lefties at SNL are mocking you, you might have been better off demurring on the whole “lifetime achievement” thing until you had actually achieved something.
  • Two hundred grand?  How much money do these judges make?:  A federal judge who contributed more than $200,000 to Barack Obama’s presidential campaigns temporarily blocked the Trump Administration’s effort to deny Justice Department funds to sanctuary cities.  The judge’s order is predictably not based on any constitutional reasoning whatsoever, but rather on the judge’s feelings that the denial of these funds will cause those cities “irreparable harm.”  No word on how the judge feels about the irreparable harm cause to the families of thousands of victims who are murdered or raped every year by illegal immigrants in this country.  The Administration said it would appeal what it correctly calls an “egregious overreach”, and said correctly that “the blood of dead Americans” is on the hands of the judge and the Democrats who run the cities in question.
  • Maybe Politico should’ve hired me the write the piece – at least it would have been shorter.:  Some fake reporter named Alex Cantoni wrote a thousand-word piece at Politico in an attempt to explain why it is that Democrats have suddenly begun cussing in unison in their speeches and other public appearances.  He literally twists himself up like a Hanover pretzel in coming up with rationalizations to explain the phenomenon while never landing on the truth.  The real answer, of course, is that the Democrats have obtained polling and focus group data that indicates they will gain votes by cussing publicly.  This is always the overriding reason why Democrats do anything publicly, because their entire political strategy is focused on the acquisition and maintenance of political power, which is always the motivating force behind totalitarians anywhere.  It really is that simple.
  • Welcome to Nordstrom, where everything is fake, even the dirt.:  Nordstrom, which banned Ivanka Trump’s clothing line in January, is now trying to attract millenials by offering them more authentic clothing that truly fits their mindset and lifestyle.  The retailer is now stocking its shelves with jeans and matching jacket that are not only pre-faded, but are also covered with fake, synthetic mud.  That will allow millenials who a) hold a worthless degree in Russian women’s studies, b) have $100 grand in student loan debt, c) are living in their mom’s basement, and d) spend most of their days hanging out at Starbucks to at least look as if they do some work occasionally.  The jeans will set you back $450 a pair, but the jacket is a bargain at only $400.  And hey, Gamma will “lend” you the money.
  • Meanwhile, O’Reilly’s doing podcasts.:  Leftwingers everywhere have been crowing about Bill O’Reilly’s getting canned at Fox News, gleefully predicting that the exit of the guy who has had the top-rated show on cable TV for 15 years would destroy the network.  But then the ratings for the first night of Fox’s new lineup came in, and showed they were up 31%, and all the crowing stopped.  Funny how that works.
  • Because the 5th “Indiana Jones” film just wasn’t quite awful enough.:  Disney announced that Steven Spielberg and Harrison Ford have agreed to produce a sixth “Indiana Jones” film, which is tentatively scheduled to premier in theaters on July 10, 2020, three days after Ford turns 78 if he lasts that long.  No word if the plot will involve some combination of Metamucil, colonoscopies and Dentu-cream, but it should.

Just another day in Fake Everything America.

That is all.


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