Today’s Campaign Update (Because The Campaign Never Ends) – 4.19.2017

  • Say it ain’t so, Joe!:  Your author is officially in mourning this morning, because the CalExit movement is dead.  Yes, friends, the noble effort to free our country from the state that sends an unending stream of nitwits to infest the U.S. Congress is no more.  The plug was pulled by organizers on Monday because it was revealed that the founder of the movement, some guy named Louis Marinelli, actually lives in…wait for it…RUSSIA!!!!!  I swear I don’t make this stuff up.  If I could make stuff like this up, I would be a fabulously wealthy novelist.
  • A mind is a terrible thing to lose.:  Speaking of nitwit members of congress from the Golden State, California congresswoman Maxine Waters told a fake interviewer with MSNBC that she had never called for the impeachment of President Donald Trump.  That statement came just a day after she had promised an audience during a speech that she will do everything she can to impeach the President, and just moments after she had issued a Tweet that said “The President is a liar, his actions are contemptible, & I’m going to fight everyday until he’s impeached.”  Again, I swear I don’t make this stuff up.
  • I mean, like, it paid for my million dollar wedding, so it’s like, totally awesome.:  Chelsea Clinton, the dimwitted daughter of The Most Corrupt Woman in America, told an interviewer that people “just don’t understand” how fabulous the Clinton Foundation really is.  She also said she is “definitely not interested” in running for political office, so she’s got that traditional Clinton bald-faced lying tactic down to a T.
  • This either does or doesn’t explain a lot.:  Netflix announced that, from 2015 through early this year, its users had spent more than 500 million hours streaming films starring Adam Sandler.  Every political observer from all corners of the ideological spectrum believes this explains what is wrong with those on the other side.
  • Yes, it’s a side benefit of mass starvation.:  A British former Olympian and candidate for Parliament told an interviewer that regardless of what else one thinks about North Korea, they really have got a “handle” on that whole obesity thing.  He later apologized on Twitter.
  • Can’t wait to see what Maxine Waters does with this one.:  Don’t look now, but the Democrat Party has obviously obtained polling data that indicates they can gain votes from Millenials by cussing.  And so we are now treated to the spectacle of Democrat members of congress and party leaders going around the country cussing at their audiences.  Yesterday, Democrat National Committee Chairman Tom Perez told his audience that “Republicans don’t give a sh*t about people,” and “[Republicans] call it a skinny budget, I call it a sh*tty budget.” God help us if the Democrats ever obtain polling data that says they can attract pervert voters by campaigning in the nude.  Nobody needs to see Chuck Schumer implementing that particular tactic.

Just another day in Democrat ****ing America.

That is all.

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