Today’s Campaign Update (Because The Campaign Never Ends) – 4.14.2017

  • In entertainment news:  Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner have announced they are getting a divorce.  Man, am I out of touch.  I though that had happened years ago, about the time when she started making those very odd credit card commercials.  I have got to quit looking at the covers of all those tabloids while waiting in the checkout line at Kroger.
  • In sports news:  Eli Manning is being accused of fraud, after the unmasking of some of his emails revealed him asking trainers to get him “Two helmets that can pass for game-used.  That is it.”  Anyone who is surprise by this, and thinks that faking game-used uniforms and equipment is not a widespread practice among professional athletes needs to quit spending tons of money on sports collectibles.
  • In United Airlines news:  A man on a United flight traveling from Houston to Calgary was stung by a scorpion which dropped onto his shoulder from the overhead luggage bin.  United CEO Oscar Munoz first issued a statement saying that the scorpion had done everything right;  a second statement saying that the scorpion had displaced a piece of luggage at the last minute because it had to be relocated to Calgary so it could get on another United flight and sting somebody else; and then finally apologized in his third statement of the day.  (Ok, just kidding, but you wouldn’t have been surprised if he had said all of that, now, would you?)
  • In Jeff Bezos news:  Mr. Bezos, founder of Amazon, owner of the WaPo fake newspaper, and founder of Blue Origins, a proposed private space travel line, announced that there will be no bathrooms or barf bags on Blue Origins flights, should they ever actually get off the ground.  So if passengers need to pee, poop or puke, they are on their own.  So it will be a lot like flying on United Airlines.
  • In Big Bomb news:  That very loud explosion you heard was not the sound of fake journalists’ heads exploding over something President Trump had said.  It was the sound of the largest non-nuclear bomb ever used in combat, the 11-ton MOAB (Mother of All Bombs) that the U.S. military dropped on a network of caves in Afghanistan that ISIS has been using as hiding places.  The military’s post-action report says that 36 ISIS derelicts were killed.  How they know this exact number, I have no idea, but I figure it’s safest not to ask.
  • In Progressives’ Trump/Russia Collusion Fantasy news:  CIA Director Mike Pompeo yesterday called Julian Assange and his WikiLeaks operation a “non-state hostile intelligence service often abetted by state actors like Russia.”  Immediately after the Director issued his statement, fake journalists across the fake news media scurried off to get to work on a rationale to spin this into proof that President Trump and Vladimir Putin are BFFs.  Film at 11.
  • Finally, I wrote the basics of this piece 18 months ago, but it was about Trump:  The New York Sun published a piece by Ira Stoll, in which he posits that Mitch McConnell has shown Republicans the light in the manner in which he managed the ultimate filling of the Antonin Scalia seat on the Supreme Court with Neil Gorsuch.  By refusing to give Barack Obama’s nominee, Merrick Garland, a hearing, and then being willing to use the “nuclear option” to get Gorsuch confirmed, all in the face of a very predictably withering assault by the fake news media, McConnell proved that the GOP can enact its priorities if it just stops giving a damn what the fake news media has to say.  For those who missed it all, this is the essence of how Donald Trump got elected to the presidency, and how he has already become a very, very consequential president in just over 80 days in office.  I keep hoping that, someday, somehow, Speaker Ryan and the rest of the congressional Republicans will figure out that the public trusts the fake news media even less than it trusts congress at this point.  Just go about your work, get the job done, and quit worrying about what MSNBC or CNN say about you, because nobody who matters really cares.

Just another day in slow-learning Republicans America.

That is all.


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3 thoughts on “Today’s Campaign Update (Because The Campaign Never Ends) – 4.14.2017

  1. D Moore - April 14, 2017

    Kroger? You are out of touch!

  2. D Moore - April 14, 2017

    We can pile on United all we want and as people flock to other horrible airlines my upgrade chances increase significantly.

    Also, if a police officer asks you to get off a plane, get off the f*cking plane!

    1. David Blackmon - April 14, 2017

      Both great points!

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