AOC: Figures of Speech are Not her Friends

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is not a stupid woman, despite all appearances to the contrary. She is a brilliant propagandist, for example, one of the most effective our country has seen in recent decades. She understands the importance of optics, for the most part, and she understands her core audience and how utterly malleable it is. So, she is not unintelligent, and is certainly a clever manipulator.

But what so often gets her into trouble and gives her an image of stupidity is her magnificent, uncorrupted level of abject ignorance. Despite having somehow obtained a degree in economics from an accredited university, AOC is one of the most uneducated people ever to be elected to the United States Congress. Her utter lack of anything resembling a real and useful education was on stark display yet again on Thursday, when she clearly demonstrated she has no understanding of what a metaphors other forms of figures of speech actually are. Watch this clip and be amazed:

Yes, friends and neighbors, AOC really, truly believes that, when someone advocates that folks “pull themselves up by their bootstraps,” they literally mean that folks need to bend over, grab their bootstraps and try to pull themselves up off the floor.

You seriously could never make this stuff up.

Given yesterday’s revelation in a live congressional hearing, we here at the Campaign Update did a little research and discovered myriad other instances of OAC’s run-ins with figures of speech and the confusion they have caused in her life:

– She’s been looking around for that “ladder to success” for years now. She is sure Home Depot is just hiding it from her.

– She’s pissed as hell that none of those people who say they have “a chip on their shoulder” actually have, like, a chip on their shoulder.

– She has spent her entire adult life trying to find “a stitch in time” so she can “make nine.” But she’s been wondering, “nine what?”

– She once put her shoulder to a grindstone and skinned it all up. Then she tried it with her nose and had to get surgery.

– She thinks “beating a dead horse” amounts to, like, animal cruelty and stuff, or something.

– Someone once told her that it “costs and arm and a leg,” and she asked if she could just use a credit card instead?

– She just cannot believe that teeth have skin, and spends hours each day looking in the mirror to make sure hers don’t.

– She once tried the whole “rags to riches” thing, and just ended up with a bedroom filled with rags.

– She is STILL looking for that gift horse so she can look it in the mouth. I mean, like, what’s that all about anyway?

– She heard that cats had nine lives, but when she killed her own cat just to see, it stayed dead. That made her sad.

– But then someone told her it was “raining cats and dogs,” so she ran outside and got soaked desperately searching for another kitten.

This could go on and on, but you hopefully get the point by now.
She doesn’t, though.

That is all.

Edit: A couple more, inspired by readers:

– She has a step-ladder. She never knew who her real ladder is.

– Don’t ever say “bottoms up!” to her in a bar, unless you want things to get real.



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Jimmy MacAfee

‘“Millennials and people, you know, Gen Z and all these folks that will come after us are looking up and we’re like: ‘The world is gonna end in 12 years if we don’t address climate change and your biggest issue is how are we gonna pay for it?’” Ocasio-Cortez said. A few months later she repeated the claim again.”

Then she says:

“This is a technique of the GOP, to take dry humor + sarcasm literally and “fact check” it.
Like the “world ending in 12 years” thing, you’d have to have the social intelligence of a sea sponge to think it’s literal.”

She hasn’t shown the talent for dry humor or satire, so…
She eviscerates Snopes – (which “fact checked” several of the Babylon Bee’s satirical articles) – and her own party (and the little demented girl from Sweden) who DID take her 12 years-and-we’re-doomed” line literally. She’s saying that the DNC is the party that has the “social intelligence of sea sponges!”

Wonder how far Tom Perez has his hand up her behind, making her lips move? Puppets and puppeteers, y’know.

Jimmy MacAfee

AOCrazio: “What do you mean ‘figures of speech?’ Aren’t figures like little dolls or something? And how do they speak?”

She thinks a fascist is the one who won the 40 yard dash. The rest are just racist.


AOC says: “I put bread in the toaster and toast come out. Where does the bread go?”
“I bought a TV and it says, “Built In Antenna”. Nothing is made in the United States anymore.
“We must eliminate the Electoral College. I know several people who went there and they all say it is a terrible school”.

Jimmy MacAfee

She stares at a can of frozen OJ, and someone asks her what she’s doing; she replies: “this can says to concentrate.”


I recently saw a new video of the cute Mini AOC. I’m glad she is back.

AOC, probably thinks Iraq is the past-tense of Iran. She probably couldn’t find China on a blank map of Asia if there was a picture of a plate on it; same with Turkey.

Every so often there are celebrities and politicians on Jeopardy and the clues are really dumbed down from the regular show and they still get many more than normal wrong.

Wouldn’t be great to see her and other pols. on the show?

Alex: “Make a selection AOC”

AOC: “GREEN NEW DEAL” for a gazillion-trillion dollars Alex,

Alex: “It’s the Daily Double AOC” – what’s your wager?

AOC: “All of it Alex”

“What color is the Green New Deal?”

AOC: “um, like, well, you know…, I don’t know.

Alex: Aw, too bad Alexandria from DC, you won’t be eligible for the Final Jeopardy Round. However, you will wind up in third place and will go home with $1000.00 dollars of Ying-Yang’s Monopoly Money – convertible into Bit-Coin.

Jimmy MacAfee

Remember Cheech and Chong?
“Let’s Make a Dope Deal?”

“What is your name Bob? Starts with a B, Bob; ends with a B, Bob…”

AOCrazio after some righteous weed.

phineas gage

Red Eye did a whole bit on this last night–it was hilarious.

Tallcan of Brawndo

MABA. Make Alexandria Bartend Again. Fun Trivia-her boyfriend is a jolly fellow of Irish ancestry with a big red beard.
President AOC! The Idiocracy complete. Free everything for everyone for life…unless you don’t vote democrat comrade.

Jimmy MacAfee

MABA! Love it!

Jimmy MacAfee

As someone who was terrorized by her garbage disposal, one wonders if she thinks a bidet is a drinking fountain.

She thinks hygiene is a greeting to Jean.
She thinks Capitalism means using all caps.
She thinks an idiom is the male form of an idiot.
She doesn’t know what a meta is for.

She is the face of the Dems, according to Tom Perez – if the face is a mangy old nag with bugeyes and horse teeth. Of course, he looks like someone who has just been sacrificed by the Aztecs, at the bottom of the temple. Not funny, but both are true.


Jimmy, one small disagreement with your statement:

“She is the face of the Dems, according to Tom Perez – if the face is a mangy old nag with bugeyes and horse teeth.”

She is not old; your description more accurately fits Nancy Klink. However, if things keep going the way they are, she could easily be the Dem house leader in 20-30 years; she could easily be Klink’s grand, or great grand daughter – big bust, and small brain.

In my younger days, if I met a barmaid/waitress at a bar like her, I would have found her “barable” meaning doable. However, a five minute conversation with her would deflate any romantic enthusiasm, as she makes Monica L. look absolutely brilliant And even when I was in my twenties, I still had standards…

I very much hope Joe Crowley beats her in the primary; probably too much to ask for a Republican to beat Crowley. However, a Republican did actually beat Dem Rep. “Carlos Danger” Wiener – Abedin in his house race awhile back, so hope springs eternal.

Jimmy MacAfee

When she gets old, she’ll look a lot like Maxine Waters.

Jimmy MacAfee

OK, take out “old.” She is a nag, in both senses. And when she gets old, she’ll resemble Perez.

I used to hear you should always check out your girlfriends’ moms before committing to anything more serious than a roll in the hay. See if the paint peels and so forth.

My observation of people like AOCrazio is that her annoying behavior is actually a reproductive strategy – (not for me) – that calls attention to herself. Omar has the same M.O. An irritating, narcissistic gadfly. May be attractive to some pukes.

The Britney Spears effect is what both she and Omar practice: the whites of the eye match the shade of the teeth – both being the same shade of white is a sign of health (as opposed to bloodshot eyes.) Susanna Hoffs of the Bangles did the same side-eye schtick. She also practiced this reproductive strategy for fame and profit. The ol’ side-eye.


AOC is dumber than a sack of hammers.

Glenn Festog

A sack of hammers has a clear value, something that AOC can’t claim.

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