Today’s Campaign Update – Week in Review
(Because The Campaign Never Ends)
Ok, so shoot me – I didn’t do the Week in Review post yesterday, as some of you have very politely reminded me this morning. The truth is, I just forgot. The Texas Longhorns were playing Kansas State, my little granddaughters were over for the afternoon, and I actually forgot about politics for a few hours. Amazing, right?
You bet. So it’s a day late and a dollar short, but lots of stuff happened this week, so let’s get to the Campaign Update Week in Review:
It was the week that we discovered that the first accuser of Judge Brett Kavanaugh was a 50 year-old woman who still speaks like a 12 year-old girl.
It was the week we discovered that this accuser, who held up the entire United States Congress’s work for a solid week on the claim that she is just so darn askeeered of flying, is in fact a world traveler who the employees of multiple airlines most likely recognize on sight.
It was the week that we discovered that this accuser, who is in fact a university professor of something or other, swore to a congressional committee that she just has no idea at all how much her extremely expensive legal team charges, who is paying for their time or who is footing the bill for the “polygraph exam” she took in August.
It was the week that we also discovered that the accuser is going to be made fabulously wealthy by the mysterious, unidentified people who set up multiple GoFundMe accounts in her name.
It was the week that Lindsey Graham finally became his own man and found the voice that many always knew he had inside of him, that of a real, courageous conservative. It is no coincidence that happened bare weeks after the death of John McCain.
It was the week that the Creepy Porn Lawyer “dragged a $20 bill through a trailer park” (in the words of the despicable creep James Carville) and came up with a demented U.S. Treasury Department employee who was willing to accuse a Supreme Court nominee of running a punch-spiking, girl-drugging, gang rape operation in a small town with a high school of 400 students for 2 solid years and no one called the cops, no one complained to any school teacher or administrator, and no one spoke a word about any of it for 37 solid years. That’s sort of awesome in an evil kind of way.
It was the week that d-list actress Alyssa Milano showed up to the Kavanaugh hearing as a guest of despicable Dianne Feinstein and had her phone confiscated for illegally filming the proceedings. It was little-noticed, but the Capitol Hill Police also confiscated not one, but two signs the demented Ms. Milano had planned to display for the TV cameras during the hearing. What a doofus.
It was the week that Judge Kavanaugh defended himself before the Judiciary Committee, where all the Democrats could do was question him about his high school references to farting, burping, puking and making fun of some guy who stammered when he tried to say the “F” word.
It was the week that the denizens of the #MeToo movement screamed that we must believe all women and punish all their abusers, but then turned around and applauded when Saturday Night Live brought out Matt Damon – who admits to covering up for Harvey Weinstein for about 20 years – to viciously lampoon Kavanaugh and his testimony.
It was the week that the fake news media assured us that Rod Rosenstein had a) resigned, b)resigned five times, and c) was headed over to the White House where he was absolutely guaranteed to be fired by President Donald Trump, who wasn’t even in town at the time.
It was also the week that Rosenstein not only survived, but indeed became the key figure at the Justice Department carrying out the week-long FBI investigation demanded by the spineless RINO from Arizona, Jeff Flake.
It was the week that the re-boot of CBS’s “Murphy Brown” premiered and we found out that all the main characters in the series are such loooooooooooosers that they’re all stuck in the same dead-end fake media jobs they occupied when the initial series was cancelled more than 25 years ago. But hey, they all somehow managed to remain employed through the 8 years of Barack Obama, so they got that going for them.
It was the week that the walrus-bodied Michael Moore’s new fake documentary bashing President Donald Trump (I never tire of typing those three beautiful words) tanked so badly at the box office that even the newsfakers at CNN were embarrassed to give him any time for free promotions on their failing cable news channel.
Speaking of CNN, it was the week that America’s fakest fakety-fake news outlet became so blatantly fake that even its founder, Ted Turner, was moved to complain about how absurdly biased it has become. And Ted Turner has dementia, for crying out loud.
It was the week that Irish Bob O’Rourke’s pathological problem with the truth became so troublesome that even the totally in-the-tank newsfakers at the Washington Post felt moved to give him four Pinnochios for his sleazy lie that he did not try to leave the scene of the wreck he caused while driving drunk back in the 1990s.
It was the week when Joe Donnelly attempted to surrender his senate re-election by announcing he would opposed Judge Kavanaugh’s confirmation, then started furiously crawfishing it all back once he saw the polling numbers.
It was the week Joe Manchin remained non-committal until he could see the final polling numbers at the last possible moment. So, just another week for Joe Manchin.
And it was the week that President Trump gave the greatest speech to the UN general assembly ever delivered by an American president, and followed it the next day with a 90-minute press conference that left the fake news media humiliated and fuming, as usual. He should do one of those every week.
There was all of that and much, much more, but this is getting long so we will leave it there and begin a new week, which will no doubt be even more insane than the last. Because that’s how it goes in Trump Derangement Syndrome America.
That is all.
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