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Democrats’ New Plan: Flipping Their Birds Back To Power

Today’s Campaign Update

(Because The Campaign Never Ends)

  • The greatest show on earth has a new home.:  After 146 years of providing continuous entertainment to America, Ringling Brothers Circus held its final show over the weekend.  No worries – the Campaign circus in Washington, DC never ends, so the masses will continue to be entertained whether we like it or not.
  • Cussing their way back into power, two middle fingers at a time.:  At the increasingly profane Democrat Party’s annual convention in California, the 84 year-old outgoing state party chairman, some guy named John Burton, closed out the proceedings by sticking both middle fingers in the air and leading gleeful party members in the chant of “F*** Donald Trump!  F*** Donald Trump!”  The fake national news media largely ignored the incident.  Try to imagine the fake media outrage that would ensue if a state GOP party chair led a GOP convention in a chant of “F*** Barack Obama!”, or “F*** Hillary Clinton!”  Anderson Cooper would be so outraged he might “take a dump on his desk.”
  • Perhaps there is hope for the future after all.:  Several dozen Notre Dame graduates walked out of a commencement address as it was being delivered by Indiana native son Mike Pence, the Vice President of the United States.  To their undying credit, many of the students who remained jeered at the emotionally-stunted children as they left the arena.
  • Hey, Mom!  I’m home!  Probably for good!:  Meanwhile, MarketWatch reports that the percentage of post-college age Millenials living with their parents has reached an all-time high.  All over America today, thousands more are leaving their college towns of choice, loaded down with tens of thousands of dollars of debt they incurred in order to get their degrees in useless majors, to add to that total.  Obviously, dozens of such graduates left South Bend, Indiana yesterday.
  • Meanwhile, in the realm of winning…:  The tone of U.S. foreign policy has certainly changed.  President Donald Trump spent the entire weekend in the Middle East, and didn’t utter a single apology to anyone, didn’t bow to any foreign leader, and neither his wife nor his daughter donned a head scarf.  And rather than employing pop psychology to dummy up reasons to blame Western democracies for being the cause of atrocities committed by Islamic terrorists, President Trump instead implored Arab leaders to “drive them out” of their countries and wipe them off the face of the earth.
  • They also think spaghetti with marinara sauce is exactly the same thing as mac ‘n cheese.:  When President Trump had to bow slightly when a shorter Saudi ruler awarded him a medal of honor, CNN and other fake news media outlets rushed to claim it was exactly, precisely the same thing as Barack Obama’s habit of bowing every time he greeted any Arab leader.  Which is exactly what any thinking person should expect from the fake news media.
  • His sense of self-awareness could use a little work.:  Speaking of Barack Obama, he gave a speech in Milan, Italy on this beliefs about how the all-knowing, all-powerful “Climate Change” is in fact responsible for literally everything bad that ever happens, blaming the entire problem on carbon dioxide (i.e., plant food) created by mankind.  To get to Milan, the former POTUS flew in a private jet, and then drove to the venue from the airport in a 13-car, gasoline-fueled motorcade, thus leaving him with a carbon footprint roughly equal to that created by the Island of Madagascar on a daily basis.

Just another day in Climate Change is a religion America.

That is all.

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Today’s Campaign Update (Because The Campaign Never Ends) – 4.19.2017

  • Say it ain’t so, Joe!:  Your author is officially in mourning this morning, because the CalExit movement is dead.  Yes, friends, the noble effort to free our country from the state that sends an unending stream of nitwits to infest the U.S. Congress is no more.  The plug was pulled by organizers on Monday because it was revealed that the founder of the movement, some guy named Louis Marinelli, actually lives in…wait for it…RUSSIA!!!!!  I swear I don’t make this stuff up.  If I could make stuff like this up, I would be a fabulously wealthy novelist.
  • A mind is a terrible thing to lose.:  Speaking of nitwit members of congress from the Golden State, California congresswoman Maxine Waters told a fake interviewer with MSNBC that she had never called for the impeachment of President Donald Trump.  That statement came just a day after she had promised an audience during a speech that she will do everything she can to impeach the President, and just moments after she had issued a Tweet that said “The President is a liar, his actions are contemptible, & I’m going to fight everyday until he’s impeached.”  Again, I swear I don’t make this stuff up.
  • I mean, like, it paid for my million dollar wedding, so it’s like, totally awesome.:  Chelsea Clinton, the dimwitted daughter of The Most Corrupt Woman in America, told an interviewer that people “just don’t understand” how fabulous the Clinton Foundation really is.  She also said she is “definitely not interested” in running for political office, so she’s got that traditional Clinton bald-faced lying tactic down to a T.
  • This either does or doesn’t explain a lot.:  Netflix announced that, from 2015 through early this year, its users had spent more than 500 million hours streaming films starring Adam Sandler.  Every political observer from all corners of the ideological spectrum believes this explains what is wrong with those on the other side.
  • Yes, it’s a side benefit of mass starvation.:  A British former Olympian and candidate for Parliament told an interviewer that regardless of what else one thinks about North Korea, they really have got a “handle” on that whole obesity thing.  He later apologized on Twitter.
  • Can’t wait to see what Maxine Waters does with this one.:  Don’t look now, but the Democrat Party has obviously obtained polling data that indicates they can gain votes from Millenials by cussing.  And so we are now treated to the spectacle of Democrat members of congress and party leaders going around the country cussing at their audiences.  Yesterday, Democrat National Committee Chairman Tom Perez told his audience that “Republicans don’t give a sh*t about people,” and “[Republicans] call it a skinny budget, I call it a sh*tty budget.” God help us if the Democrats ever obtain polling data that says they can attract pervert voters by campaigning in the nude.  Nobody needs to see Chuck Schumer implementing that particular tactic.

Just another day in Democrat ****ing America.

That is all.

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