Mr. Zuckerberg Goes to Washington

Today’s Campaign Update

(Because The Campaign Never Ends)

Tired of all this Winning yet? – Chinese President Xi Jinping announced on Tuesday that he will begin implementing a plan to lower tariffs, enforce respect for the intellectual property of international companies, and take other steps to open up the Chinese economy.  Your fake news media will want you to think this will all take place of Xi’s own volition, with no outside influences.  Your common sense will tell you that these steps are a direct result of the pressure being placed on the Chinese for the first time by an American President.  This is no mere coincidence.  Your common sense is right.

Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg, looking for all the world like a 10 year-old wearing his first Easter suit, spent five hours testifying before the combined Senate Judiciary and Commerce Committees on Tuesday.  He made sure the testimony was offered without being sworn in under oath, because he knew he was going to lie about pretty much everything.  Except, of course, when he was merely dodging or obfuscating, or telling various senators that “my team and I will take a look at that and get back to you.”

Note to senators:  He’s not planning to get back to you.

As is typical for any titan of industry offering testimony to congress, Zuckerberg came armed with about a dozen self-serving talking points, and he did his best to respond to any question posed by every senator with one of those talking points, regardless of how irrelevant the response happened to be.  No big deal there – everybody does it.

It was when he was forced by one of the senators to actually answer a question that Zuck had no choice but to lie. And lie he did.  When he hilariously told the committees that the novel-length Facebook “user agreement” is designed to inform users of their rights, Louisiana Senator John Kennedy just couldn’t take it anymore:

“Here’s what everyone’s been trying to tell you today — and I say it gently — your user agreement sucks,” Kennedy said. “The purpose of a user agreement is to cover Facebook’s rear end, not inform users of their rights.”

“I’m going to suggest you go home and rewrite it, and tell your $1,200 dollar and hour lawyers…you want it written in English not Swahili, so the average American user can understand,” Kennedy said.

Yeah, that’s not going to happen.

When Texas Senator Ted Cruz told Zuckerberg that many users believe Facebook has a “pervasive pattern of political bias,” Zuck responded that “I understand where that concern is coming from, because Facebook and the tech industry are located in Silicon Valley, which is an extremely left-leaning place.”  Hey, an actual true statement.  Awesome.

Of course, after Cruz had listed numerous examples where Facebook’s evil minions had banned conservatives – most recently the extremely harmless Diamond and Silk – Zuckerberg couldn’t leave well enough alone, absurdly claiming that “I’m very committed to making sure that Facebook is a platform for all ideas.”

As someone who is currently being shadow-banned by Facebook’s 15,000-20,000 evil minions who monitor content, I can assure you that that is a blatant lie.

In any event, it was overall a good day for the robotic CEO, since the predictably glowing reports of his day in the principle’s office by the fake news media elevated the company’s stock price and added over $3 billion to Zuckerberg’s net worth.  All’s well that ends well.

Far be it from me to defend Zuckerberg and Facebook, but the truth about all of this is that there is simply no real scandal here at all.  Facebook is being pilloried by leftist activists and the fake news media (I know – same thing, right?) for basically implementing its damn business model.

One thing Zuckerberg said that is absolutely true yesterday:  As byzantine and absurd as that user agreement is, everyone who signs up to use Facebook does have the opportunity to review and try to understand it.  The few who take the time to do that will understand that Facebook’s business model is to gather as much of your personal information as it possibly can, and use that information to sell advertising.

People signing up for Facebook are like so many people who walk into a Las Vegas casino and think that all of that glitz and glamour exists out of the goodness of somebody’s hearts.  So many people never stop to think that the reason why all of that can exist is because suckers like them go out there and leave so much of their money behind in all of those cool slot machines and at all of those blackjack, roulette and craps tables.

By the same token, Facebook doesn’t just exist out of the goodness of Mark Zuckerberg’s little heart (that is assuming he actually has a heart, of course – I remain unconvinced).  Facebook is able to exist and be extremely profitable because Facebook takes all of that data they collect on you and sells it to anyone who wants to buy it.

People who worked on the Obama campaigns in 2012 and 2008 have been bragging all over the place since this fake scandal broke about how they did exactly the same thing with Facebook data that Cambridge Analytica did during the 2016 campaign.  The only difference is that Cambridge Analytica worked for a Republican, not a Democrat.

That, and only that, is why this fake scandal has been invented.  Had Cambridge Analytica been working for the Pantsuit Princess, you would have never heard of them.

But hey, inventing fake scandals is what the fake news media does best.  Just ask President Trump.

Just another day in the fake news media America.

That is all.

Follow me on Twitter at @GDBlackmon

Today’s news moves at a faster pace than ever. Whatfinger.com is my go-to source for keeping up with all the latest events in real time.

3 thoughts on “Mr. Zuckerberg Goes to Washington

  1. Reply
    Cameron Baker - April 11, 2018

    Mark Zuckerberg is just the same brand of puny, hateful, snotty, ignorant little f*ggot as David Hogg, but with a better tailor, more money, and a good plastic surgeon.

  2. Reply
    Jonesy - April 11, 2018

    This is why I am not on social media….it kind of makes you nostalgic for Myspace.

  3. Reply

    […] It was when he was forced by one of the senators to actually answer a question that Zuck had no choice but to lie. And lie he did.  When he hilariously told the committees that the novel-length Facebook “user agreement” is designed to inform users of their rights, Louisiana Senator John Kennedy just couldn’t take it anymore:  more  here […]

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