That Time When Teens Eating Tide Pods Didn’t Seem Like Such a Bad Idea After All

Today’s Campaign Update

(Because The Campaign Never Ends)

Oh, darn.  And he’s such a nice, nice man. – Bloomberg reports that poor, poor Mark Zuckerberg is feeling “isolated” these days.  He’s feeling under siege, you know, because those mean ol’ people in the fake news media are mounting the fakest of all fake scandals against his company, all because he shared 50 million customers’ data – you know, the Facebook business model – with a company that did work for the  (gasp!) evil Donald Trump campaign!

Hey, everybody, let’s all take a moment to feel so, so sorry for Mark Zuckerberg, the man who has become a mega-multi-billionaire off his business that consists of sharing your “private” data with others for a profit.  And let’s all join the fake news media and Zuckerberg’s peers, like Apple’s Tim Cook and Tesla’s Elon Musk, in pretending we haven’t known that all along, and have been shocked – shocked! I say – to find out about it just since this fake scandal broke.

There.  Don’t you feel better about yourself now for joining all the liberal hypocrites in this pretense?  Good.  Now, let’s move along.

Hey, every parent has been there.  Or at least wanted to be. – The Sacramento Bee reports that a mother in Arizona, one Sharon Dobbins of Phoenix, became so frustrated trying to get her 16 year-old son out of bed to go to church on Easter Sunday that she finally resorted to giving him a good jolt from her taser, which I guess she just keeps around the house for fun.

According to the Sac Bee, “The victim ‘did not complain of any pain,’ according to police, but did have two small bumps on his leg that he said were left by the taser.”

Neither the little wifey nor I ever tased either of our kids out of bed when they were teenagers, but I do have to admit that there were days when the only reason we did not resort to this approach was that we just didn’t happen to keep a taser handy.  Ok, just kidding.  I think.

Can we get them to just go back to eating Tide pods? – The Sac Bee had a big day reporting on teenagers on Monday, also running a report on the latest teen fad, which involves snorting…wait for it…condoms!  Yes, friends, the little geniuses to whom the Democrat Party wants to give the right the vote have a new party game!

This little deal involves snorting a condom up your nostril and then pulling it out the back of your throat.  The goal is to see who can do it without choking, all the while taping it with your cellphone so you can post it on your favorite social media account.  I swear I don’t make this stuff up.

It is very likely that some of those teenagers that CNN has saturated its airwaves with over the last few weeks follow their on-air gun-control diatribes by going out in the evening and snorting a few condoms.  These are the people who CNN and the Democrat Party want to set the tone for our national debate on the 2nd amendment to the Constitution.

Holy cow.

Let’s just hope most of them post their condom-snorting videos on Facebook so that Mark Zuckerberg can make a big profit selling the videos to the highest bidder.  This is a special kind of stupidity that deserves to be preserved for the ages.

Just another day in can we raise the voting age to 35? America.

That is all.

Follow me on Twitter at @GDBlackmon

Today’s news moves at a faster pace than ever. Whatfinger.com is my go-to source for keeping up with all the latest events in real time.

1 thought on “That Time When Teens Eating Tide Pods Didn’t Seem Like Such a Bad Idea After All

  1. Reply
    Ina Lerner - April 3, 2018

    Another wonderful commentary from Blackman. Wonderful to wake up to. Keep it up!

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