Indonesian Monkey Mafia Emulates Clinton Foundation

Today’s Campaign Update

(Because The Campaign Never Ends)

  • The Monkeys learned this by observing how the Clinton Foundation works.:  New Scientist reports that a “monkey mafia” that has been stealing stuff from tourists in Indonesia has now learned to sell the stolen stuff back to the same tourists for ransom.  Which of course is a lesson Bill and Hillary Clinton learned early in life, and have now passed onto Chelsea.
  • Body-slamming his way to congress.:  Despite breathless predictions of a “neck and neck” race by fake pundits all over the fake news media leading into election day, Republican Greg Gianforte, who apparently has a promising future in professional wrestling, easily defeated his Democrat opponent, nudist colony entertainer Rob Quist, in Thursday’s election to fill Montana’s vacant congressional seat.  No word yet on how the fake reporters in the fake news media will spin this into a moral victory for the tiny, dying Democrat Party.
  • From our Historic Presidential Quotes file:
    • John F. Kennedy, 1961:  “Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country.”
    • Bill Clinton, 1998:  “I did not have sex with that woman, Miss Lewinsky.
    • Barack Obama, 2009:  “If you like your plan, you can keep your plan.”
    • Ronald Reagan, 1988:  “Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!”
    • Donald Trump, 2017:  “NATO members, pay your damn bills.”  Ok, that’s not exactly what President Trump told the gathering of pompous NATO members on Thursday, but it’s what they heard.  That’s good enough.
  • He never really did have much of a sense of self-awareness or irony.:  Speaking of Barack Hussein Obama, he pontificated in Germany yesterday that “In this new world that we live in we can’t isolate ourselves.  We can’t hide behind a wall.”  Photos from the event show that he gave his talk from behind a ten-foot security wall.
  • And then there’s Katy Perry…:  Tone-deaf pop star Katy Perry created a minor wave on Wednesday when she told an interviewer that the way to solve the whole Islamic terrorism problem is “Just love…no borders, no walls.”  For the record, Ms. Perry’s multi-million dollar home is surrounded by a 12 foot security wall.
  • Wait.  You want me to substantiate my reports with documentation?  But that’s real work.:  Real journalists John Solomon and Sara Carter have a report out at Circa News detailing how James Comey’s FBI illegally shared unmasked intelligence information with outside third parties hundreds of times during the Barack Obama Administration.  Their report is based on hard data and actual documents.  Because it was based on real information, the story was missed by the NY Times and WaPo, whose fake journalists prefer to base their stories entirely on claims by unidentified “sources”, most of which are later proved to be completely false.  We can also be absolutely certain that this information will be completely ignored by Special Counsel and long-time Comey crony Robert Mueller.
  • They make their projections using the “broken clock” method.:  The fake climate “scientists” at the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) predicted on Thursday that this year’s hurricane season will produce an “above average” number of tropical storms.  This marks the 12th consecutive “above average” prediction from NOAA since 2005, which was the last time we actually experienced an “above average” number of such storms.   Climate alarmism at its finest.  NOAA is a part of the DC swamp that desperately need draining.

Just another day in Monkey Mafia America.

That is all.

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