Today’s Campaign Update (Because The Campaign Never Ends) – 4.17.2017

  • Hmmmm…lessee here…should we vacation in Hawaii, or North Korea?  Costa Rica, or North Korea?  Italy, or North Korea?  An Alaskan cruise, or North Korea?  Vegas, or hey honey, how about North Korea?  Boy, this is hard…:  The UK Independent reports that a North Korean defector, who claims to have been a corporal in the NK Army, says that The Crazy Little Fat Guy who rules that country has a plan to kidnap tourists if his country is attacked.  Seriously?  Tourists?  We have people who take vacations to that porta-potty of a country?  Voluntarily?  Who are these people, and should we really be worried about them if they have no better judgment than that?  Holy cow.
  • Hey, doc.  See, I have this, uh, issue, when, you know, I’m…well, I’m trying to, you know…and well, I think I need some…ummm…well, you know what I’m saying here, right?:  Speaking of The Crazy Little Fat Guy, his missile program continues its pattern of projectile dysfunction.  His much-heralded test launch of an intermediate-range ballistic missile exploded less than five seconds after leaving the launch pad.  Deputy National Security Advisor K.T. McFarland was evasive about whether the U.S. government may have had something to do with this latest failure to launch when questioned by Chris Wallace on Fox News Sunday.
  • Here at United Airlines, our employees are committed to mishandling any incident in a way that creates maximum reputational damage.:  In yet another customer service fiasco, a couple traveling to Costa Rica were kicked off their flight in Houston when they attempted to change seats on a half-empty flight.  The couple claims that, when they found their designated seats occupied by a barefooted guy sleeping across the entire row, they decided that, rather than waking him, they would take seats a few rows forward on the plane.  Turns out that they had only paid economy fare, and those seats happened to be “economy plus” seats that give you four additional inches of leg room.  United charges you a princely sum for those extra four inches, and the couple claims that within two minutes of moving to their new, pricier seats, air marshals showed up and removed the couple from the flight without explanation.  For its part, United claims the couple repeatedly ignored the crew’s instructions to move back to economy class, and were disruptive, which sounds like the more realistic scenario.  But that doesn’t matter, because the fake news media is reporting the story from the couple’s perspective.  The whole point here is that United has to find a way to stop kicking paying customers off its flights and bringing this kind of fire into its own position.
  • It would be America’s first “tell-nothing” book.:  Long-time companion to The Most Corrupt Woman In America and wife of America’s Most Wanted Pervert, Huma Abedin, is shopping what she’s calling a “tell-all” book to publishers.  She’s looking for a $2 million advance to “spill her secrets”.  Of course, this is just another Clintonian racket, as Ms. Abedin is still hanging around with Hillary, which means every word in any such book would be vetted, polled and focus-grouped by the Clinton minions.  Which of course means that anything that’s actually true would be rejected.  Good luck with that.
  • Um, well, seems like you might have wanted to figure this out BEFORE you published the piece.:  This may be the greatest fake news media story ever.  Late last week, the fake editors at the Huffington Post fake news site gave the green light to a guest opinion piece titled “Could It Be Time To Deny White Men The Franchise?”  As one might guess, a piece proposing to deny the vote to white men (seriously, how racist and sexist can one be?) in America generated a great deal of controversy, but the HuffPo fake editors held firm and even publicly defended the piece and its author.  But then, on Sunday, the piece was removed from the HuffPo site.  The fake Huffpo editors did release a statement that hilariously reads, in part “We have done this because the blog submission from an individual who called herself Shelley Garland, who claimed to be an MA student at UCT, cannot be traced and appears not to exist.”  #Fakenews, defined.

Just another Easter weekend in fake news America.

That is all.